Published by Binary Zone PD and
Commodore Zone issue 3 (Jan / Feb 1996)
Questions posed by Warren Pilkington.
Answers divulged by Kenz / BZ.
Blimey! Talk about a biggie to get things going! Errrrm, probably Boxing Day 1993. I'm not going to tell you why because it's a tad personal. Andy Roberts knows a bit about this ... ! Let's just say me and BOTH girls had lots of fun. HEHE!
If you had a gun with a single bullet, who would you choose to mutilate?
Myself. You'll never take me alive coppa, see?
How many slices of Pizza can you eat in one sitting? My record is 13 at Pizzaland.
Unknown. This fact is unrecorded. Probably not as many as you though Waz. 13?! Are you a SUMO WRESTLER or something? I managed to drink 15 rum & cokes one night while clubbing. This fact IS recorded. Don't ask me how!
What's your most drunken poleatic state? (I forgot to ask on 'Zaw Productions In Conference).
Actually, this state was acheived quite recently. I was drinking 'Tennants Extra' quite merrily all night long and then these cocktail arrived at the table. I don't know what was in them but they were BLUE! I collapsed in the bogs minutes later, had to be carried home and was in a comatose state in bed for most of the following day. This was NOT GOOD at the time but is a bit of a grin looking back at it. I really was in a mess.
What's the wackiest thing you've done lately?
Walked through a park late at night with a litter bin on my head. There were four of us doing this - attack of the bin-men!! (I think we'd had a bit to drink - Don't worry though folks, I had a LOOOONNNNG shower when I got home).
If you had a chance of a one night date with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Gillian Anderson (aka Dana Scully in The X-Files). She has grown on me so much I think I've fallen in love with her ... !
Who in the world do you think most resembles the Elephant Man?
John Merrick. (Titter).
What is your all-time fave C64 game and why?
It must be URIDIUM. It was the game that made me buy a CBM 64 and is a game I always go back to for a blast. Ghosts & Goblins and Paradroid are also all-time faves.
Why is Whigfield so untalented and un-nice looking?
She was obviously a '1 hit wonder'. How come EVERYONE could do that dance in clubs? I just clumped around in a p**sed fashion - probably because I was p**sed at the time! She is un-nice looking because her hair is the wrong colour. Blondes had their chance!!
Why are Aussie soaps a pile of clag?
I only watch them for the girlies. Oops, I just admitted I WATCH THEM! They definitely would be a pile of clag if they didn't feature Sophie Simpson, Sarah Thompson, Annalise Hartman etc. I can't stand 'A Country Practice' or 'Young Doctors' mind you. SH*TE!
Who do you hate most in the collection of stuck-up nobodies called the Government?
Actually, I don't hate any of them simply because I don't take any notice of them. When they actually do something worthy of my attention I'll answer that. Our current Prime Minister is a JOKE by the way.
What is your fave arcade machine of all time?
Space Harrier - Hydraulic version.
Would you make a record with Beavis & Butthead (Whoah! That would be cool! Mh! Huh huh!)?
YESSSS! It would RRROCK! We'd have thrash guitars and screaming lyrics!! Cool! DA DA DA DAAR DA DAAAR! DE NE NU NE NU! Huh huh! Mh! Mh!
What do you think is the scariest rollercoaster ride?
The nemesis was pretty good - I came off it feeling like I had been mugged. The old wooden one at Blackpool is a bit scary because it feels genuinely UNSAFE!
Which famous person do you think has the silliest name?
A few amusing ones spring to mind. There's Mike Shaft who was a daytime TV newsreader, Christopher Lillicrap (HEHEHE!) Oh, and didn't Frank Zappa call his daughter Moon Unit Zappa? Actually, that's pretty cool! Huhuh! Mh!
What's been your best moment at any concert, or the wackiest?
A good moment was at the Jarre concert. At the end everyone headed for the exits but we headed towards the stage - we were about six feet from Jarre as he left! Another cool moment was hearing Mark Shreeve play live. It was cool because afterwards I had a chat with him, he signed my 'Crash Head' tape and we discussed the drums he used in his 'Assassin' remix (they were sampled from Led Zeppelin by the way). The Kraftwerk and Tangerine Dream gigs were cool due to excessive colume levels. Wacky moments? At the Jarre concert someone shouted "Hank you mother!" when Hank Marvin made a guest appearance on stage and Luke shouted "Jump you fat b**tard" to someone watching us get soaked from a window. About fifty nearby people laughed at that one.
What's your fave sketch from the Mary Whitehouse Experience?
I can't remember! I haven't seen it for yonks.
What's the strangest thing you've programmed on a '64 or Miggy?
'64 - Crom & Crom II (adventures).
Miggy - The 'Farts & Belches' disk.
What's your advice to anyone starting up a PD library?
Rip off software and ideas from Binary Zone PD. Oh, they all do that anyway. (*joke!*)
What is the 'lurgey'. Is it a Midlands phrase?
I don't know if it is exclusive to the Midlands but it basically describes any illness. If you have the flu or a cold etc. then you have 'the lurgey'.
What sport do you hate the most?
Bowls. (Pensioners playing marbles).
What record would you most like to break to get in the Guinness Book of Records?
Is there a record for having sex with good looking female celebrities? If there is then that one will do nicely.
Do you remember the classic TV prog Monkey?
Of course I do! 'Monkey Magic!' etc. He flew around on a cloud and his chums were Pigsy and a baldie slap-head. I can remember something about a volcano and a weird egg at the start. They really should repeat that hyper-cool series. Monkey RULES!
Which of your birthdays was the most memorable, and why?
Probably my 21st. I had a bosting day at Alton Towers going on ALL the rides, went for a cracking meal afterwards and got sloshed. Smart!
What's the best letter of the alphabet?
What the hell kind of question is that? Are you running low on inspiration Waz? Okay, I'll say 'Q'. He's mad, bad and dangerous to know. (Star Trek - The Next Generation fans will understand that).
What's your favourite pizza toppings?
Meaty ones! Fnarr! Pepperoni etc. None of that poncy cheesy vegetarian gunk for me.
Who can you best impersonate?
Jason Mackenzie (and I do a good Yoda).
What is the strangest Kraftwerk song title?
Strange ones include:- 'Noitasinagro', 'Klingklang', 'Schaufensterpuppen' and the classic 'Boing Boom Tschak' ...
And do they translate better from German??
I guess so. Did you know Kraftwerk means 'Power Plant' in German?
If you formed a band what would you call yourselves?
'Sludge Ugga Bonk' - and our band already exists!! HEHEHE!
What's the biggest tourist attraction in Droitwich (and don't say Binary Zone)?
'The Castle'. A fine pub with good ale, classy women and QUIET music so you can converse with your chums.
On the spot now Kenz, what's your fave '64 demo ever?
Hmm, a tricky question that. Fave demos come and go but as new and better demos get released then my current fave changes. At the moment I think demos by Reflex are at the top of my list. 'Mathematica' literally blew my mind! (But not my C64 thankfully!) The 'Galway Collection' should be a corker, it's coming soon from Binary Zone PD!
What's the worst record you've ever heard of all time, APART from Black Lace's 'Agadoo'?
The Birdie Song. I never have and never will perform the accompanying dance.
Who is the most miserable person you've ever had the misfortune to know?
My French teacher at school. Bonjour Monsieur Beasley. (Vous Batard).
Does Sol taste any different without that bit of delia (ie lime) in it?
Does a Pot-Noodle taste like ANYTHING without its sachet of sauce? That Beef and Tomato flavour tastes like dishwater - not gorgeous!
Who did the voice of the annoying one that went 'brrt! toot toot!' in 'Battle of the Planets'?
You did. Arf arf. (Look everyone, Kenz doesn't KNOW! HEHE!)
What has been your best ever Christmas Present?
When I was younger, stuff like the Millenium Falcon and AT-AT toys etc. More recently, a CD player.
What has been your best ever Christmas Present?
The mag was a bit of a confused mess towards the end. Printing it on toilet paper (TP for your bunghole!) didn't help things much, having 24 pages was a tad lame, and changing editor every other issue also contributed to the chaos that was once a rather fine magazine for all C64ers. Ho hum.
What's the most naff answer you've ever heard on 'Family Fortunes'?
The question was 'Name a family pet' and the answer given was 'Dolly'!! How do I know this? Because it was my DAD who gave the answer. Yup, the Mackenzie family actually appeared on that show! Chortle! They beat the other family but didn't bag all the prize money. Bah!
If you won the National Lottery, what would you buy yourself?
The factory that manufactures 'Pork Crackles'.. I really LOVE those things! Oh, and a tropical island inhabited by nymphomaniac Amazon babes with long dark hair and deep brown eyes. KA-BANGA!
Does Ray from '2 Untalented' star in the film 'Arachnaphobia'?
His 'Tarantula-esque' hairdo makes several disturbing appearances.
Who would you most wamt to kill if you had the chance to do so and get away with it?
What's this fascination with killing people? Isn't this a bit similar to an earlier question? Anyway, there's this person called Kelvin who REALLY requires death. If anyone is going to get his head stoved in by me then it's him.
Why do the Smurfs sound like a 33rpm record playing at 45?
Is this because I said I was going to 'Smurf me a drink' in one of the last letters I sent? Hmm, maybe their voices sound strange because Smurfette kneed them in the goolies!
If you had ten seconds of your life to live, what the hell would you do in that time?
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 is bigger than 6.
Which band has the wackiest name? My choice is Surgical Penis Klinik (SPK).
My choice: Sludge Ugga Bonk. It's probably got the wackiest band members too! (Actually, I couldn't think of any weird ones!)
Who is Cornholio?
Ah, the great Cornholio. To find this out simply eat twenty seven candy bars and drink a six pack of rootbeer. I wonder if he is related to Bumholio and his twirling fartknockers?
I think he is, cos in the Beavis and Butthead episode 'The Greay Cornholio' Beavis (aka Cornholio) says to the Spanish teacher 'Are you threatening me? You will give me TP, Bumholio!' before being chucked out of the class! Hehe!
Many thanks go to:
Jason 'Kenz' Mackenzie
for supplying the answers
Danny 'Suicyco Mania' Gillgrass
for constant sendings
of awesome music on tape!
for writing the excellent 'The Bog'
which inspired me to remix it!
and to you for reading it all too!
(c) Zaw Productions 1995
Zaw Production #40 for Commodore Zone!