Wednesday November 1st 1995. "Flob isn't as good as polish". YooooooOOOOOoooOOOooOOoOOooOoOoOoOoOooooo! Look on in amazement chums, I'm still here and it's NOVEMBER!! GLOBBER! And now, with Rob Hubbards 'Spellbound' theme caressing my ears I will spill the proverbial beans on today - and then wipe them off leaving a few beans in the cloth to repulse someone (what the frig am I going on about?!). Usual start to the day, I woke up, watched 'Pirates of Dark Water' (Silly Monkeybird episode), checked my post (not bad, some LOOT) and generally woke up. This morning was spent copying and compiling disks, typing letters and prepping packages. All my efforts created only a SMALL pile of post ready to be chucked at one of the birds at the Post-Office. I did begin work on some difficult niggly jobs mind you. For my lunch I had a BEEF & TOMATO Pot Noodle. Usually I would have said "Bleh, not gorgeous" to that flavour but today I had a cunning plan. I didn't add the sachet of tomato sauce! It was actually a pretty tasty snack! Radical development or what?! I bet there's some weirdo's out there who add EXTRA sauce to that flavour! Groooooooooo! If you were wondering about the opening quote then I'll explain. I got a tape out of a bag and it had some unknown gunge on it. I tried to wipe it off using a combination of flob and duster but it just smeared and got sticky (urp! woop!). I then troddled downstairs with the tape, sprayed on a little polish and wiped it off with the duster. The gunge was GONE! Easy peasy ... ! By the time I had pithered around typing yet more letters it was fast approaching FIVE O'CLOCK so I fraped up the town. After getting rid of my packages I bought TWO packets of 'Pork Crackles' and zibbed back home. I was just in time to tape Trek TNG which wasn't all that good I'm afraid. It was the second part of a two parter but mainly featured Worf on a planet doing his exercises (?!). In the evening I prepared MORE packages, compiled MORE disks and gave Jaz Kelk a ring. That was a bit of a duff idea because he was totally knackered. Ho hum. Oh yeah, Frostie rang. That gave me the chance to ask what disks he wanted. I was actually sorting out his stuff when he rang me. That was a coinciwotsit. Frostie told me this witty gag:- Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge? A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out of it! Arf! On that humourous note I will bid you farewell for a few hours. Adieu! From:- Kgnengf. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday November 2nd 1995. "Dave ... (What?) You're on fire ... (!!!)". Hidehay giblets, It must be said that today was REALLY cool - If you happen to be someone else other than ME! Okay, no major events happened in my life and nothing disasterous happened but maybe that's the problem. Today was so unexciting I have absolutely sod all to type about! GARGLE! Here's what I did - crammed into one paragraph. Woke up, watched 'Pirates Of Dark Water', got up, dressed, washed, scoofed some Sugar Puffs, did a shit load of work, scoffled an interesting pot-pourri of bits that I found in the freezer, did MORE work, watched Byker Grove, taped Trek DS9 while chobbling some spaghetti bolognaise, slobbed (and did a bit more WORK), bed. What a thrilling and gripping day I had. Trek DS9 was pretty cool because 'Q' was in it and he livened it up no end. Oh nooo, I've run out of MASKING TAPE and my SELLOTAPE has almost run out ... Hassle. That's all you are going to get from me today. Cavort a few lines down to the next entry. From:- Krappy boring uneventful day ... ** STOP PRESS ** Mike has been offered a job!! After two years on the dole Mr Loud Laffter is finally going to rejoin the ranks of the employed. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday November 4th 1995. "You'll take the piss" - Ulrika Jonsson quote of the day. Wotcha! After yesterdays bum-bubble of a bore today was somewhat more interesting. Here's the deal kidz ... This mornings episode of 'Pirates Of Dark Water' was quite good fun, Ren and that big fat bloke swapped bodies causing much confusion etc. Bwah! I was determined to get some 'CZ' bits sorted out but before that I got a few niggly jobs out of the way. Letter typing and package wrapping ensued (the sellotape situation is now CRITICAL by the way). Once those jobs were jobbed I sat down and began typing in a CZ article which I named 'MARK SHREEVE - Master of dynamic synth music'. Yup, the Shreeve article was finally started and it turned out to be pretty funky! I really got into it and added lots of bits of 'TECHNO-TRIVIA' throughout. All was going well until I had to stop what I was doing and evac the Zone. (I've only got to finish the Shreeve article, port the tips section, do an advert for the Destruction Set and Binary Zone and write the news section ... EASY!!). I then ambled down to the Post-Office and said a cheery 'Alright?' to a copper on the way - as you do! I reckon I was ripped off in the Post-Office by the way! I usually have to pay 29p to send a copy of 'CZ' but today they all cost me 36p! Dooii?! I then troddled to see Rich and unleashed TWELVE disks of swag on to him (which I prepared last night and neglected to tell you) and Rich showed me a few new bits and bobs he had obtained. I tried to install Gloom but the 'DS0' command gave us no end of hassle it failed miserably to even read the disk ... Bloody sodding new DOS thing! After visiting Rich I traipsed down to see Mike. I wasn't at Mikes house for long though because he wanted to go into Bromsgrove to buy some shirts for his new job (which he starts on Monday). Mikes Mom took us in and we were soon roaming around Bromsgrove ogling all the college babes (Me and Mike were anyway!) Suddenly all hell broke loose! A couple of Police cars came tearing up the street with their sirens blaring and a mass of cops ran into Dixons. I somehow thought they didn't intend purchasing electrical goods. The cops soon emerged escorting a struggling and swearing red-head chick! A crowd of people gathered to observe the fracas. "You slaaaaag, you're going daaaaaaahhhhn!" Phew! After all that excitement we popped in to see my Daddy and it was confirmed that I would be working for him - soon! Gibble! We then grabbed some eats from MuckDonalds and munched them in the car. Once back at the Mike HQ in Droiters we watched yesterdays Trek DS9 and Mike demonstrated the power of his 16meg PC (without actually having any software to demonstrate it). I then plodded back home, slobbed around for a while and watched the selection of comedy programs that were on. 'Shooting Stars' wasn't all that funny tonight but 'Have I got news for you' had a few amusing moments. Nowt else to tell. ZzZzZzZz. From:- Kewl. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday November 4th 1995. "Urine Trouble". Howd(Bang!)y dud(KerBOOM!)es! Blam! Bang! Pop! I guess it's almost bonnyfire night. All I can hear at the moment is FIREWORKS banging away (knuff!) outside (and the FeekZoid module which I'm currently blasting out of my stereo too). Saturday! Nice lie in? Nope. Nice lazy day? Almost ... For my brekkie I consumed some Shreddies with COLD MILK on. Bleh, not gorgeous. I decided to spend this morning mucking out my hard-drive. I tried to add music to the game 'Gloom' but failed miserably. I then installed the new version of HippoPlayer on my HD which worked a treat. I also drew a new icon for it which featured a cheesy grin Hippo! (And I did a sticky out tongue one too). I then taped an episode of Airwolf I recorded a FORTNIGHT ago onto my proper Airwolf tape (I like leaving things until the last minute see!) I've only got enough room for todays new episode and then the tape is full! YEEK! I need to find another Airwolf tape ... Doh! MmMmMm ... Scrammy HOT DOGS for dinner. I watched some of my THX remastered version of Star Wars while I noshed. Grandiose stuff. In the afternoon Andrex 'Sellotape phone to head' Rhubarb gave me a call on the dog & bone. We discussed the ProTracker demo and life in general. It was that call which generated the classic opening quote for this entry. HEHE! I then spent a while tinkering with the Amiga, updating the FeekZoid module list, playing Gloom and other constructive things like that. I spoke to Feeky on the phone a couple of times to get some info on archiving and yukky MEDules. (OctaMED - Pants utility ahoy!) For my tea I had some weird lemon pepper chicken portions and a mass of chips. The chicken was very lemoney so I didn't enjoy it all that much. While I chomped my way though a plateful of grub I watched an episode of Trek TNG and contemplated my crush on Dr Bev. I think I'm reliving my teenage years! (AAARGH!) After that, more Gloom, this diary and then BED to watch '9½ Weeks' (Kim gets her tits out and has a good shag - that's what Bomber wants!) I'm gone. Later! From:- Moi. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday November 5th 1995. "Arrrgh! I'm burning! (That's Guy Fawkes)". Yoho froods! Kinda busy day today. I seemed to do a lot but end up with nothing to show for it if you see what I mean ... Ho hum. For your entertainment I'll explain what the blumming heck I got up to. Firstly I got my arse into gear and got out of bed. Once that hurdle was traversed and I was washed, dreezed and my tummy was filled I began to flounder around in the Zone doing this and that (but none of the other I'm afraid). Quite a while was spent compiling a surprise tape for my little brother. I recorded all his fave telly themes onto an audio tape which he listened to when he went to bed. I was rewarded with a happy smiling little face and I could hear him humming along to the Airwolf theme ... Aaaah! This hard work was followed by a nice roast chicken type Sunday lunch thing. The food was good but the washing up afterwards was a bit of a bucking find! Large volumes of time today was spent porting Waz's C64 music onto the Migmog for PlaySID purposes. This was tiiiime consuming but as Waz had obviously spent AGES coding separate players for ALL his music I thought I'd better get some done. I also decided to get the new FeekZoid module list updated which took a while. I then rang the Feekster and read my choon reviews to him. A funny smell began to permeate my atmosphere from downstairs ... Uh oh, Mom was making some PICKLE!! The entire house was completely STUNK OUT!! The big pan that contained the bubbling brew reminded me of Droitwich CANAL! Teehee! Life was paused when a film with Jennifer Connolly started. It was called 'The Hot Spot' or sommat like that. Phwooar! She is REALLY pretty. I then used the old 'unconscious' gag to fob my way into the land of nod. See ya tommorow! From:- Kan of beans. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday 6th November 1995. "Mushrooms aren't medication, they taste good on hamburgers but they don't raise the dead" - Scully said that. I LOVE that girl ... ! YO! Iiiiiiiiiiiiii'm back! I haven't been gone for very long but I'm back! BrrRrrRRrr! It's brass monkeys outside. The forecast said it was going to be -2 degrees. F'K! Pretty damn fine start to the day. My Scully pic arrived! The 20" x 16" colour SuperPrint of Scully survived the postal service and was in PERFECT condition. Now all I need is frame for it! How much did it cost me? Well, an arm for the picture and a leg for the frame probably ... For my brekkie I boiled a couple of eggs (for too long), discovered there was NO butter and munched my way through a pretty damn poor meal. JISM! While I prepared that crap I noticed a load of schoolkids sat at the end of the drive ... What the FOK is going on? I still don't know what they were doing. I had to get the up town quite early so after I had stuck some adhesive stuff onto four copies of 'CZ' (and completely buggered up the fifth issue - FUME) I prepared some bits to be copied and some swag to be paid into the bank. Hey ho and off up the town we GO! I hit the bank first and paid in my loot. I then drew out a tenner and surged into the Post-Office. After that I got my photocopies done (which included some colour copies of the 'X-Files' logo which looked GREAT) I also bought some bits from WHSmiths. Then I headed towards home. (I was so deep in thought I don't actually REMEMBER walking home - the next thing I knew I was back! - Weird!) The afternoon was spent searching for my 'X-Files' tape (which I found in a dumb-ass place AFTER turning the house upside down). I labelled two of my 'X-Files' tapes which looked pretty swish, prepared some disks for Danny G (which I'm DETERMINED to get in the post tomorrow) and stuff like that. Oh, and I finished compiling the PlaySID disk which is pretty good I spoze. Smart 'X-Files' episode tonight, it had GHOSTIES in it and Scully bounced around everywhere. Chicks are not really designed for running - especially if they've just had a baby! WOBBLE! BOUNCE! On that intriguing thought I'm gonna rack off now. Chowfernow! From:- Klonk. P.S. Jeez, some dudes have just set fire to a million quid (on the telly) in the name of ART! In the name of F**KING STUPID if you ask me! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday November 7th 1995. "Matts directors chair has suddenly sprouted a starfield". Oooooiii!!! Ah, good, I have your attention. Now get your arse into a comfy chair and concentrate on this selection of diary-waffling that I am about to hoy at ya ... As soon as I was in an awake style of situation I bunged the telly on to watch 'P.O.D.W'. To my surprise it was not on! Globble! Instead they showed an episode of 'Prince Valiant' which I'd seen before. Fah! For some baffling reason I started to copy disks at about 7:45am! ("CRACK!" - Oh, there goes the dawn). Me concerned about my backlog? Naaahhhh! (HEHE!) This morning I really worked like billy'o. Quite a few packages were quickly sorted out which met the requirements of Bomber (or something). Once various orders were 'in the bag' I decided to do some 'Commodore Zone' work. I went into 'magazine mode' and churned out the news section, tweaked the Shreeve article, laid out adverts for Binary Zone and Psytronik Software and for an encore I whopped all that stuff on a disk for Jaz Kelk along with various other goodies. (Polite ripple of applause please ... !) One of the other things I got sorted today was a package for Danny G. I included all the Waz tunes I ported and thought "It would be cool if Waz went to visit Danny G soon". Later on I got a call from Waz. I hinted that he should visit Danny G and he said he already planned to *TOMORROW*! That's when Danny G will receive his package!! By some funky twist of fate Waz will be able to check out the ported zax straight away! I didn't mention to Waz that I'd ported his tunes so that will be an extra surprise for him. (Cue loud applause). My Nan popped round at lunch time to collect some ironing. She made me some lovely ham cobs (hwurk!) for my dinner. Slurp! How come my cobs never taste that good?! (OOOOOOooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr!! Massive innuendo alert!!) I carried on working in the afternoon but started to go slightly bananas due to the amount of work I'd done. I decided to take a break and slobbed around for a while. A traipse up the town was averted by Mom who said she'd post my stuff for me. Kewl! Now that I didn't have to go up the town it meant I could watch some telly. There was a program called 'It'll never work?' on and it taught me one thing ... Sally Gray is CUTE! Yummity yum, great big 'chicken feast' pizza for tea. Sloboo. The evening was dominated copying bazillions of disks for that guy in France who sent me over a hundred quid last month. I figured it was about time I got his order to him. As he ordered so many disks I may pop a FREE copy of 'Commodore Zone' in with them! (Cue lots of applause and cheering). Tits of the day:- Tiffany / Eastenders. Nice tight top, wonderful thrusting orbs. Hot dang, I am TIRED (Both physically and of copying disks). Goodnight one and all ... From:- Krud. P.S. There's something wrong with Cam. The batteries just won't charge so I can't sort out tapes for Andy Robogie and Mat 'The Flumps' Recardo. Gosh, darn and tarnation! Dratted pesky thing ... ! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday November 8th 1995. "It's Casper ... The BRICK!" Greets once again readers. Here's an interesting snippet for you. Do you know what happened on this very day one hundred years ago? Well, it's no good asking me because I can't even remember what the flying f**k happened TODAY!! Arf! Hmm, let me think ... Ah! I woke up, watched some early morning telly and then got up. For my brekkie I checked to see if the necessary bits were available for boiled eggs and set to work boiling the little mateys. That was when I noticed there was NO BREAD! Oh for Croms sake, what is going on?! In the end I disovered some BROWN bread in the freezer which had to do ... Skimmed bread! Bleh, not gorgeous! After brekkie I continued the legacy of that massive order for Mr £100 in France. I constructed a cardboard box BY HAND which turned out to be really good apart from one slight flaw ... It wasn't big enough!! SHITE! The disks fitted in but the FREE copy of 'CZ' I wanted to send DIDN'T. It did by the time I'd finished with the box though! (OO-ER!) To finish off that bumper package I needed to buy some parcel tape so I zibbed up the town. I also bought some parcel-wrap even though I didn't need any!! Doi?! I then went into the Post-Office to post one small package (FOGIES ALERT!) and then went to supermarket to buy some nosh (FOGIES ALERT!). There was a SENILE OLD BAG in front of me with a TROLLEY which contained TWO TINY ITEMS! What is her problem?! Back at the Zone I completed the order for Monsieur £100, wrapped up a new copy of 'CZ' and did a letter for Betrayer ... That's enough work thankyouverymuch, it was then time to DO A VID FOR MAT! Even though Cam is a bit poorly I kept on charging the one working battery and in the end managed to edit all the stuff he wanted. I'll use the same footage on Andy Rubywax's tape too! SORTED. There's some CLASSIC 'Chortles' moments on the tape. MUCH FUN! There was a corking episode of Trek TNG on today. It was called "Starship Mine" ... Picard had to save his own ship from some scummy terrorists. It was a Die Hard-esque episode! Great stuff! The evening was spent doing MORE video editing, chatting on the phone and generally slobbing around. Tits of the day:- Cody in Neighbours. Tight-top-tastic mates! That's all you're gonna get from me ... See yoo. From:- Inverse tachyon field. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday November 9th 1995. "Come quietly or there will be ... TROUBLE!" Dear diary ... (isn't that what you're SUPPOSED to write?!) This morning started in the usual way which you should all be familiar with by now so I won't type it AGAIN. Lazy old me eh? I decided to hit the eggs again for my brekkie but there was only ONE left. Bah! No point in boiling just one egg. It was bland toast for me! We haven't got ANY teabags so I've consumed gallons of coffee today ... (Well, a couple of cups of it anyway!) I had a few letters to type and packages to wrap so I did just that. I also prepared a package for Waz which contained EIGHT disks! (Most of them were his anyway). Although I had some packages that needed to be posted there was NO WAY that I was going out in the rain. I decided to wait until Mom got home so I could have a lift up the town. With a bit of time to kill I cooked up a nice dinner (southern fried chips with chicken super-noodles) and watched an episode of Trek TNG ("The Pegasus" - Kewl). Later on I was dropped up the town. I had to stagger around with the big parcel for Mr £100 for a while. Firstly I went into the supermarket for some teabags (and got served STRAIGHT AWAY - SHOCK!!), then I drew out some sheets from the bank. I then staggered off to the Post-Office and paid over a fiver to get rid of my post (!) The girly who served me was more than a bit friendly ... Hmmmm. Much of the afternoon was spent sorting out the covermount for the second issue of 'Commodore Zone'. Trek DS9 was on today. Bit of a cack episode though ... Taped it anyway. Didn't do much else in the evening really, scoofed a balti, farted, stunk, did more 'CZ' bits and chatted on the phone to Jaz Kelk. Nice surprise of the day:- Seeing Trish McDonald (Natalie Robb) on Taggart. ("Och, there's been another mulululululrlrldldldldelelelrlr!") I'm gonna go now. Bye-bye for a bit! From:- Fetid farts. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday November 10th "I was milking my part". Oooo-eck! You're all waiting to hear what happened in the life of Zenk today then huh? Corks! I'll see what gobshite I can concoct for you lot then ... Here we bally well gooooooooo! Pretty good Prince Valiant this morning. It featured the birth of the GUN which was apparently invented in CHINA thanks to the them mucking around with GUNPOWER. I hope they are pleased with their invention, it only caused countless MILLIONS of deaths ... :( The main project of the day was to sort out the software for the second issue of 'Commodore Zone'. This meant a lot of farting around with files, editing text and dabbling with code. The plan came together in the end and the sucker was ready to be posted to Tony Gibbs who is in charge of doing the menu. Woah, due to the PANTS weather I refused to venture outside. I got my Mom to post a couple of bits for me including the aformentioned 'CZ' cover disk doobries. Lazy? You bet your arse I am. Dry? Too sodding right. Eeeeh, boring old me didn't go to the pub to get shit-faced in the evening. Nopeydopey. I actually wish I had though because I discovered it was HOUSEWORK NIGHT! Frigging hoovering ... Mutter. I finished off the day by watching the fabbo comedy selection on telly. (I got a little but tipsy on some mega strong wine too!) I kinda think that's about all for today. Catchyalater dudes! From:- Klurble. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday November 12th 1995. Halloooo my leetle chuuurms! Slurpy slavver! I had TWO breakfasts today. To start off with I munched a bowl of coco-pops with nice fresh full fat and full fakkin' cancer milk and then later Eric bought me two bacon and egg sangers! SLOBBER! Plenty gut stuffum for Kenz. Damn fine Batman cartoon today. It featured 'Poison Ivy' who would have been perfect 'genlock and draw on the Amiga' fodder if I had actually taped the episode. I didn't tape it though so that glarges that idea. I spent a good yonk compiling some disks for the Feekster today. I want to get his sending sorted as soon as poss ... Lots of C64 and mig-mong (HEHE! Cool mis-type) warez will soon be minging (HEHE!) their way to him ... Mike agreed to a trip to Mats which meant I had to do plenty of video editing to take with me. While I tried to get Mats tape sorted there was a constant stream of visitors and interruptions which got on me WICK rather more than somewhat!! Nooooooo! Why does this always happen when I'm busy?!?! The footage I prepared for Mat was rather neat though. Oodles of JET and over 15 mins of SCULLY footage! I waded through over 7 HOURS of 'X-Files' episodes to get loads of nice shots of the slapper I adore at this momento (I was still 'at-it' at past 1am in the morning!) I did actually take a break from my Scully session (!) for my tea. I had a slap-up 'chicken feast' with spicy chicken potions, chips and big glass of the REAL thing. This was scoofed (and slurped) while I watched 'Highlander 3'. FABBFILMM. I then returned to my editing task and then craaaashed into bed feeling pretty funky ... Make of that what you will! (?!) I am going away now. Bye! From:- Kleenex. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday 12th November. "There's only so much you can do - with Mr Shoe!" Hiya! Slightly hectic start to the day for me folx, I finished doing the Scully editing that I started last night and was still doing video type stuff when Mike arrived! Gibooooooooooo! I was sort of hoping the Scully overload would invoke some lucid dreams about her last night but that was to no avail ... BAH! On another bum note I didn't get the chance to add the new chortles footage onto a tape for Andribble Robble. This was because I didn't expect to be giving it to Mat so soon. My life ... ! Me and Mike departed from the Zone and hit Droiters town centre to start off with. Once I had drew out a few sheets me and Mike went to Miller Brothers which was CLOSED!! F'K! It opened at 11am and we got there at 10:35am. Bollox! Instead we went into Texas and bought some tapes for Mat but they didn't have any piccy frames which I needed for my BIG Scully pic ... Doh! Vrooooooooooooom! (That was us heading to Mats) Oh, we stopped off at Safeways to buy some munchies on the way. Vrooooooooooooom again! Once we were at Mats a day of japing ensued. He seemed to like the new Chortles footage and I bagged a few choice warez for my computah. We had a bit of a pot-noodle party and Mike constantly blabbed on about how good his PC is which didn't go down too well in a room filled with Amiga owners! Tim tried to detonate a can of coke by pouring sugar into it straight after opening it. Much to our amusement NOTHING happened! (Well, it did emit a bit of coke). He then proceeded to head the can TWICE! (PAIN!) He severely skonned his brew. Urgh! All that computing and general action gave ME trench head! We left Mats quite early today (around 5-ish) and Mike dropped me off near to the Zone. I trudged the rest of the way home only to find I had been locked out! FLAPS! This dilemma didn't last long though and then found out some keys HAD been left for in a cunning location. It was a pity it was PITCH BLACK outside when I got back so I didn't stand a catinhells chance of finding them. Nyeeeeuuurrrr! What did I diddledoo in the evening? Slobbed mainly, watched 'YBF', nuked my Sunday lunch. Silly Mom had put gravy on it earlier which went clinically strange in the microwave (the gravy, not Mom). Oh yeah, Andy 'Gutter, here we come' Roberts rang to discuss the ProTracker Demo. He was served up some scoofables so we couldn't have a banter about the pot-pourri of usual subjects (and pot-pourri's). A couple of diary quotes were generated which you will come across soon (not literally I hope! © Mayonnaise gags inc). I got an unexpected treat in the evening. 'Twin Peaks - Fire Walk With Me' was on telly! Yeeeeesssss. It was GREAT to see the Twin Peaks gang once again. The film actually made a lot more sense than when I saw it at the flicks. Odd but true! No Sherilyn Fenn though :( Not much Madchen Amick either :( and Coop didn't do his usual cool detective work :( Groovy film though! :) Gotta go now gang! CUL8R! From:- Fartle. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Special Agent J.S.Kenz (279FHCYB) Field Report 13/11/95. "I want to believe". Joppa friends, enemies, whatever. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm pretty PISSED OFF with updating this diary and trying to remember events from days ago. How can I get round this problem? DO THE DIARY EVERY SODDING DAY! Fair enough ... I'll TRY to do that. I can't promise anything though because sometimes I'm soooo knackered I don't want to sit here tappitytapping banter. It is now exactly 11:01pm on the 13th November 1995. I've just watched the episode of the 'X-Files' I taped earlier which was GREAT! Now prepare to be amazed an astounded by what I got up to today. I awoke from my slumber, watched 'Prince Valiant' which wasn't much cop and then I surged out of bed. After I had splashed around in the bathroom and climbed into some trendy clothes (my usual BLACK ensemble) I began to do some HARD WORK type stuff. My first priority was to complete FeekZoids package. A letter was typed and added to the disk and then a paper-letter was typed and printed. I then recycled the jiffy-bag that Feeky sent ME and used it to send some warez to HIM. Cool no? The FeekZoid sending was at last SORTED. I then did a package for Waz which featured a couple of disks he ordered along with the Kenzterview (v3.0). This needs to have his top scrolly changed (toned down!) so it is suitable for the 'CZ' covermount. A letter was tapped which explained all this so that made everything hunky-dory. I hit the town after that and sent my post in its way. I then bought some blank vids and got some photocopies done in the new 'Spa Print'. The colour copy they did for my Trek DS9 labels came out really well! Beam! Smile! :) etc. After all that fun up the town I trudged to collect my little bruv from his school. Elven beauty was there and I pretended to ignore her completely without actually ignoring her at all - if you see what I mean. (She did a good job of ignoring me ... Bwah!) The afternoon was spent mucking around with vid-labels (the Trek DS9 one I did looks smaaaaaaaaart) and not a lot else. I taped 'Space Precinct' which was pretty daft today, chobbled on a BIG PIE for my tea (I ate all the pie), spoke to Waz on the phone and later on taped the 'X-Files' which I mentioned earlier (Scully looked CUTE today and it was a GREAT episode). Classic quote of the day:- Waz mentioned he had hacked some software and said (in the Chortles style) "I have successfully wazzed this!" HEHEHE! Classic use of a Chortles quote methinks! That brings us EXACTLY up to date. It's now 11:16pm and I'm going to floop into bed. I need to get up early to go into Birmingham, hence the severely EARLY NIGHT! (Sort of). See ya tomorrow then! From:- That bloke with the massive nob. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday 14th November 1995. "His cheeks were filling". Greets gang, As I mentioned yesteryonk, today was a 'trip to Birmingham' day which meant an early start for Kenzoid. Me and Mom arrived at the station at about 9:10am. Who did I see at the station? Elven beauty!! I luurve the way her hair bounces when she walks (and something else! Hehe!) Me and Mom had to wait for yonks (well, SIX extra minutes) for the train to arrive. Luckily (!), someone had delivered a throat pizza on the platform so we had a chortle watching people stand in it and sit near it! Guffaw! After a lengthy train trip me and Mom parted company to explore the mighty city of Birmingham separately. After drawing out MORE sheets (I'm gonna be SKINT after this!) I had a look round a stationary shop. They sold the sort of piccy frame I needed for my big Scully pic!! I kept that in mind and started to check out the other shops. I scoped out all the usual places of interest like HMV (both stores), Virgin, Tempest Records, Plastic Factory ... (I'm starting to sound like Waz!) I didn't buy much though, just a few odds 'n sods. Strangely enough, I bought most of my bits from the stationary shop I first visited! I had to traipse all the way back to it and then lug the BIG frame around for ages. Sodding big pane of glass! Here's a list of the exciting things I purchased:- 1. 3 x blank C60 tapes (yawn!) 2. An EMPTY video box. 3. Some double-sided sticky tape (even more sticky). 4. A 5m roll of adhesive wrap (double yawn!) 5. The BIG picture frame. 6. The TV Zone yearbook (with Gillian Anderson interview - SLOO!) 7. Box of 10 amusing Chrimble cards. At 12:30 I met up with Mom and we went for some nosh. After Mom had grabbed a few more Xmas prezzies (which muggins here had to carry) we caught the train home ... Oooh, me feet were killing me! I slobbed around once back at home because I'd reached the energy gap. Strangely I didn't have trench-head which is what Birmingham usually gives me. HA! After a little slobbing I popped my Scully pic into the frame. This simple task seemed to take AGES because I wanted it to be PERFECT! I also included an 'X-Files' logo with the pic for that extra nice touch. The picture looks DAMN FINE but unfortunately I haven't got ANYWHERE to put it!! Gnnnnnnnnn! Maybe my big Kim Basinger pic will have to go after all these years ... ! Sob! For tea I had some strange concoction which included rice and sausages!! Weird but quite tasty once I'd gone mad with the soy sauce - as you do. After my nosh I watched some soapy broadcasts and slapped some adhesive wraps on three copies of 'CZ'. (I nearly buggered up the third issue but managed to sort it out ... !) Babe of the day:- The one I scoped in the restaurant with the AMAZING legs and short skirt. She looked, well, like a NICE girl! You know, likeable ... That's all there is to tell I'm afraid. I'm doing this diary early (9:41pm) because I just know I'll be shattered later on and WON'T want to do it ... With a REALLY nice track by 'Megabyte' playing in the background I'll end todays gubbins. Auf Wiedersehen Monty! From:- Kickstart 2 (eh?) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday 15th November 1995. "Skidoo! SKIDOOOO! Skidoo! SKIDooOOooOO!" Greetings one and all! Here I am with another 'early' diary entry (10:03pm) ... So far my attempts to keep this mother hubbard of a thing up to date seem to be going REALLY well. This is the SECOND day running I've tapped you some text on the SAME day as the actual events! "Cor blimey guvnor I'm fackin' Hank Marvin" (said Phil - years ago). Sooooooooooo, what did I doooooooo? Skidoooooooooooo! Ahem ... Anyway, I woke up after a night of many dreams, watched Prince Val (everone in the world was knighted), watched the repeat of It'll Never Work (Sally Gray can look quite cute at times) and then I got uuuuuuuuup! I had coco-pops for my brekkie (YYYYUMMY!) and after that I got instantly stuck into my work. I cranked HippoPlayer into life to provide audio entertainment and then I ploughed into my in-tray (and planted some potatoes in a neat line ... ?) I managed to get plenty of bits ready to be posted including a package to Paul Kubiszyn who I haven't spoken to for YONKS. That's the morning done then. I had a SPLENDID kunch today (kunch?). Yup, for my kunch I had chicken kiev with chips. Mom cooked it for me because she's on holiday this week see. Lavverly grub! I did a few other work type bits after lunch and then sliddled up the town. After getting rid of my piles ("I don't need suppositories!") of post I bought a piece of BLACK card from the photocopy place which cost me 15 pee. More about that in a moment. Oh, and I grabbed a couple of bags of pork crackles from the superdupermarket too. Once I had trogged home I began to 'reposterize' (new word invented by me?) the Zone. I'm afraid after all this time big Kim must go. I didn't want to muck up the Scully shrine so I put my new BIG Scully pic where my Kim poster was. I filled the remaining gaps with two smaller pics (one was my fave Glynis Barber pic, the other was SCULLY!) and my old Alien³ poster. This is up temporarily until I get the 'X-Files' poster I spotted in Birmingham but didn't tell you basts about! HAHAR! The bit of card I mentioned was cut up, inserted into a frame and used as the backing for ANOTHER Scully pic! This is getting silly folks, there's now SEVEN pics of her in here ... I think I like her. A break was taken from posterizing to tape Trek TNG (I missed some of the start! IDIOT!) and to have my tea (cod in sauce + spuds). I then returned to the task of revamping my walls. It looked like a BOMB had gone off in here at one point! To finish things off I replaced my old Madchen Amick Sky Magazine cover with the Anna Friel poster. It rules! It's a lifesize pic of her by my bed! I hope I don't accidentally shag it in the night ... ! Gibble! It's now 10:31pm! It's taken me half an hour to type this little lot?! No way! (Way!) No hwaey! (Hwaey) etc. Goodf'kinight! From:- Sabreman. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday 16th November 1995. "Eat bomb you mutant!" Wotcha! After another night fraught with somewhat non-directed dreams I awoke to find myself awake ... Errrm. The usual 'getting up' routine followed and after a bowl of coco-pops (I finished the box) I was ready for ACTION! I dived straight into things and began to copy disks for a laaarge BZ order. Part of the way through that I decided to slap some adhesive wrap onto TEN copies of 'CZ'. I didn't bugger up any of them either! I find the adhesive stuff goes on better if you do it really quickly ... (kwonk!) That 'adhesive applying tomfoolery' took just under an hour. I then finished off that big order and then chomped some savouries for my din-dinz (tasteless cheese and tomato pizzas. Vegetarian food is GLUE). The afternoon was spent rushing together another big order. The two orders I completed today were worth FIFTY smackeroonies! Time for a trip to the bank methinks ... ! Mom gave me a lift up the town which saved me from fffreeezing to death I reckon. I lobbed my money into the bank and then drew it out again because I owe Mom some housekeeping! I'm kinda tempted to buy the first 'X-Files' video. Why? Because the pilot episode is cool, you see how it all starts, it's a 'UFOey' one and ... and ... and ... SCULLY TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF! (Sorry viewers, Kenz has passed out. Hold on while I slap the twat around a bit). Oofya! Doh! Where was I? All the blood rushed from my head a moment ago. Where did it all go?! After many thrills and spills up the town I ambled home. Once back in the comfort of the Zone I decided to dabble with my Amiga and clear some shite off my HD. I took a break from this to tape Trek DS9 and to scoof my tea (a nice omelette). I wasn't happy with the game 'Alien Breed 3D' because I thought Gloom was better. I decided to play AB3D to see if it was worth keeping. I played it, and played it and was still playing it in the middle of the night!! It's EXCELLENT! Once you get into the game it's thoroughly absorbing and a bit of a doss! There's some kick-ass weaponry in it and some undesirable nasties - hence todays opening quote. That's how today was ended - running around dank corridors blowing away weird and pissed off monsters. Kewl! See ya! From:- MoominKenz. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday 17th November 1995. "What will you do for an encore? Burn down an orphanage?!" Yo dudez! Welcome back to the land of constantly flowing gobshite ... Here's todays bits for ya, do with them what you will. Lazy old me didn't wake up into 7:50am today!! (Erm?) I caught the end of 'Prince Valium' which was not very enthralling and then I checked out 'Smart' to see what bits of her body Zoe Ball was revealing today. Not much I'm afraid. Got up (huhuh!) at that point. Today I decided to do lots of niggling OVERSEAS orders. The first letter I got sorted out has been sitting in my in-tray for about a MONTH! Funny thing was it only took about 15mins to get sorted. Gah! I then packaged copies of 'CZ' for a various peeps including a guy in Australia! Overseas readers AHOY! After that I just couldn't do any more work ... Why? Cos I wanted to play Breed 3D! Yeeeesssss! Blam! Ker-boooom! Screech! Buddabuddabudda! Screeeech! CRASH! Hmmmm, CRASH is an apt term because the level I reached kept on CRASHING in the same place. BUGGER IT! Rather than be freaked out by this I made myself some sarnies. (Nice sarnies, nice and BLAND). Hurtled up the town after that and narrowly avoided being cryogenically frozen on the way there and back. It's effing fffreezing outside! My timbers were shivered. While up yonder town I drew out some sheets for tomorrows piss-up, puchased the first 'X-Files' vid (YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) and called in at 'Spa Print' to discuss 'CZ'. A bit of a bogus thing happened in the Post-Office, the bird tried to charge me over 3 QUID to send 'CZ' to Australia! F**K THAT! The guy only sent me 4 quid for the mag + postage!! I argued the toss for a while and she gave up in the end and sent it as a 'small packet' even though there was letter enclosed. HA! What did I do when I got home? ALIEN BREED 3D! Blammo! Smash! Boom! I got past the bit that kept glarging and onto a new level (which is sodding HARD!) I got lumbered with shatty housework chores at this point (which interrupted my game - FUME!) but that didn't take long. Later on some f**kpeg rang up asking if I would send my entire PD library to him (free of charge) so he could include my disks on his BBS. The words "f**k" and "off" sprang instantly to mind but in the end I fobbed him off with an excuse that I was "too busy". (You can stick your BBS up your ARSE pal!) Lovely tea tonight - southern fried chicken + chips from the chippy. Sloo! Yukky horrible food alert:- "Refreshers fromage frait" (based on the nice sweeties). Avoid this at ALL costs. It tastes like PAINT! Grub was followed by MORE Breed and then I crashed into beded to check out the 'X-Files' tape I purchased. It ruled. Bye-bye! From:- Kreepykrawlie. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday November 18th 1995. "Yikkabrewiurgh!" Joppa chums! Hmmm, this is going to be a tricky diary to type because I didn't actually do much today. Most of the day was spent playing Breed 3D! That's not terrible interesting to write about but was an ACE DOSS to do! That game just kixx ass! For my dinner I had a cheapo version of a pot-noodle! GULP! Am I looking for trouble or what?! I was surprised to find it was actually QUITE TASTY! Baffling observation time :- Enya is actually quite pretty! Her music is nice too. If you've got a problem with that then you can just piss off! Taped (and watched) Airwolf after luncheon which was cool viewing indeedy. The rest of the afternoon was spent blasting alien basts in Breed 3D. Collett appeared in the evening so I showed him a few new miggy warez. We then departed from the Zone ... Our mission:- to get SHIT FACED! We zoomed round to the Mez HQ and Collett dropped off his crashing gear. Us three funsters then plodded to the station through some severely COLD weather. BURRABURRABURRA! We actually managed to CATCH THE TRAIN for once! The doddering old geezer swiped £1.40 of my hard earned CA$H. Little did I know this was a total and utter BARGAIN! The first pub we hit was the Crown. Not only was it COLD inside due to a fakkin' open door situation but there was loud music blasting out so we couldn't get down to some 'serious' jape packed banter. Grim. After a couple of rounds we left and walked round to Bushwackers. The GEEK guarding the door refused us entry!! This was because he "didn't recognise our faces"!!! But we're movie celebs!! TWAT! We chose Barrels instead and skulled plenty of grog whilst checking out the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttts! We rounded off the evening at Tramps (£4.50 to get in!!!). Plenty of leaping round the dance floor was in order and lots of classic 'Ray-esque' dancing. I took a break from dancing to observe the tiiiiiiiiiiiittttttss from the top balcony as was joined by Mez and Collett. We were treated to an ariel view down various dresses which is what Bomber wants! At some point after that it was time to leave (so I thought) so I headed for the exit thinking Mez and Collett were behind me. I got my jacket, went outside, turned round and ... No Mez or Collett! Hunh?! I hung around in the COOOOOLD for yonks but couldn't stand being frozen any longer so I jumped into a taxi and headed home. It cost me over 11 QUID to get back home! F**KING CRIKEY! That is certainly the LAST time I will be venturing into Worcester for a drinking sesh this year. I must have spent about 30 QUID tonight! Holy crud! Once home I slurred into bed and with the world spinning crazily around me sank into a much needed sleep type state. 30 QUID! OH MY GOD! From:- Skint. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday 19th November 1995. "I just wanted to watch Michaela walk up there really". Helloooo again you lot. GroOOOOOoooOOooOOoOOOOoOaAaAan! My heeeead! What hit me? Bleeeh. I stopped in bed for slightly longer than usual because if I had lurched around the house I would have been sick immediately. When I figured I could safely stand up I had a nice cool wash, got dreezed and had a drink to help clear up my trench mouth. Collett rang up to make sure I got back home safely. We mused over what exactly happened last night. 30 BLOODY QUID, that's what happened! I paid all that dough to feel like SHITE. Groan! After that? Breed 3D! Much fun for me, I got dead far too. The levels range from hard to EFFING HARD! Lustro lunch today. PORK! I consumed a VAST pile of food because I was staaaarving and needed some grub inside me PRONTO. My hangover was almost completely gone by lunch-time. In the afternoon I kicked alien arse in Breed 3D and got further still. I also had a phone-chat with Feeky and, erm, carried on playing Breed 3D! As for the evening - plenty of slobbing while watching telly, I scoffed down some ACE ham and tomato sarnies, dried a few dishes and updated my little diary chum which are currently wasting your time reading. I am now gonna go and have yet another rip of Breed 3D before I crash into bed to watch more Scullllyyyy! (Why do I watch her while I'm in bed I hear you all ask!) Go away you silly-billies! From:- Pancake man. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday 20th November 1995. "I said 'clam shaped'" Hello humanoids ... Another day another couple of requests for Commodore Zone ... I'm fast running out of copies of it ... ! Of course, I don't have a problem with that. It would be dead cushty if I had to get another FIFTY copies of the first issue printed. I feel a mailshot coming on. (Fnarr!) After my bowl of coco-pops (with semi skimmed bull-milk) I grabbed a pile of orders and decided to tackle them one at a time until they were all gone. It took me a while to get into the swing of things but I was soon sorting things left, right and haddock. (Doi?!) I blasted out lots of music to keep me company including classix from Bigod 20 and some Laserdance tracks which put me in a sort of boppy, synthy frame of mind. Lunchtime approacheth and I cooked up a southern fried feast! I had some very tasty southern fried chicken augmented with southern fried chips. I guess this means we are in for some southern fried farts! While I scoofed my southern fried snack I watched a Trek TNG epiosde. (Why do I ALWAYS do this?!) It was the one called "Clues" and it was highly cool so THERE. I got round to doing another niggling task after luncheon. I designed the flyer for 'CZ' and typed up all the new info that needs to go into issue 2. A whopping letter was prepared for Jaz Kelk. It didn't take all that long either! BRUTAL! It was getting pretty dark by the time I fleeged up the town, the weather has been pretty damn DULL today it must be said. Whilst I was up the town I chucked some sheets into the bank (massive guilt trip after Saturday night methinks!!) and got rid of my post. Flooged my way back to the Zone and suddenly felt the urge to sort ANOTHER niggling task! I typed a big letter to Cherry Software and will probably post that tomorrow along with a FREE copy of 'Commodore Zone'. I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing this but I'm going to do it anyway. They asked for the mag, they got the mag. Nuff said. I then taped Space Precinct which was silly fun as usual and had my tea - or was it breakfast?! Bacon, eggs and beans! Later on I got a call from Andy 'Mr mucus moustache' Rubik. He rang to tell me a preview of the ProTracker demo was on it's way. Mucho japery followed and plenty of classic phrases were born. An IMPOSSIBLE comment about Scully stole the show but I ain't gonna repeat it here! HAHAHAR! The one about the orgasmatron and plastic sheeting was pretty froopy too. I also used a reference about Sandra Bernhard for my opening quote. It had something to do with the shape of her mouth! HEHEHE! Oh, and for some reason I was sure Ron Howard had something to do with the film 'Groundhog Day'. I bet Andy a couple of packs of blackcurrant Spangles that he did and he bet me a Wispa Gold that he didn't ... GULP! Could the Kenzbeing be about to lose ANOTHER bet?! Kewl 'X-Files' tonight. I missed a beat when a severe weird and pissed off bloke kidnapped my Scully. Why didn't they explain why he changed shape? (My jeans change shape when I see Scully ... NOOOO! JUST KIDDING!) Spooky moment of the day:- Scully was lying in bed and she looked at her bedside clock. It said 11:21pm - JUST LIKE BEFORE!! (check out Tuesday October 17th). That's put me in the mood to watch the 'X-Files' tape that I failed completely to watch last night. (I watched the film 'Poison Ivy' last night instead ... Drew Barrymore - SHWING!) Trust no-one ... From:- David Yip. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday November 21st 1995. "I used to be in the Jackson five". Yowza gang! Oooch! I've got trench hand! I've just had a mammoth Breed 3D session and as I've been using the 'sidestep' feature with my left hand for a couple of hours it hurts like buggery. Now, don't get all hoity-toity when I say that due to my hurting hand I don't want to type much clag today. Oh, and I want to carry on watching my 'X-Files' tape in bed ... (Does that mean I'll end up with a knackered right hand too?!?! NOOOOOoooOOooo!! Just kidding!) Anyway, enough 'get out of doing diary' excuses, on with the show. Groovy 'Prince Val' this morning, it was one I'd seem before which contained plenty of surreal dream type illusions conjured up by some daft woman. An interesting way to start the day methinks! After munching some coco-pops (we must have an infinite supply) I got cracking on my work (I didn't crack any games by the way). I managed to sort out a package for Cherry Software and started duplicating some audio tapes. Lumme! 'Commodore Zone' now has a subscriber by the way!! My first £17.00 arrived and I haven't even sent out the subscription details to anyone yet! (The guy rang me see). Disaster of the day 1:- I found I had run out of inlays for both 'CZ' and one of the audio tapes I was doing. Yipes! This slight mishap meant I had to trog up the town earlier than usual. While I was there I posted the Cherry Software and an invoice I prepared earlier. The invoice is an (un)interesting story ... I while ago I sent a girly one of my games tapes BEFORE she sent any money and I said "I trust chicks" in this very diary (check out Tuesday October 17th - AGAIN). Well, she never paid me for it!! I no longer trust chicks. Ummm, right ... Once I'd finished up the town I briskly strolled home and cooked up some rib-steaks and southern fried chips for my dinner. These were chobbled whilst watching ANOTHER Trek TNG episode - "The Offspring" - A great (and quite moving) episode. Disaster of the day 2:- When I checked one of the audio tapes I had duplicated it had completely buggered up and gone wrong! Doi?! That's the first time I've ever had a problem with my tape deck. I fiddled around with it and tried to copy the tape again and it seemed okay ... I'm still not sure though. Gah! I'll sort it out tomorrow. I then spent a while sorting out my mig-mog. The end result of this was an extra 5 meg free on the hard-drive and about 8 blank disks! I decided to archive 'Settlers' because I now have its wonderful music as a separate module and I don't play the game any more. Talking of modules, by the time I had replaced all the mods that I shifted to make room I ended up with NO room on my hard-drive again. Doh! My rimbling stomach was silenced by a plate of (green) lasagne and chips. A mammoth Breed 3D session then ensued and after much battling got off level 11! The blood, the gore! - "I made this!" After killing many nasty alien fiends I retired to bed and watched the whole of the pilot episode of the 'X-Files'. Damn fine stuff. Ciao for now brown cow ... From:- Heinekenz. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday November 22nd 1995. "NO! I am Zog, an amophous blob". Joppa! Usual start to a usual day once again folks. Not much post either. BAH! My first task of the day was to complete some orders that arrived yesterday so I busied myself with that task. I ended up with a couple of copies of 'CZ' ready to posted and the manky tapes I did yesterday which sounded okay today ... Strange! One small problemo reared its ugly head, I ran out of bits of cardboard that I use to send out copies of 'CZ'! Gibble! That called for a trog up the town (at just after 11am too). Whilst up the town I drew out some sheets, posted the packages I prepared earlier and checked out a copy of 'Groundhog Day' to see if I was right about Ron Howard. I wasn't ... FRIGMAROLE! I did something slightly odd in WHSmiths ... (HEHE! I wonder what ideas popped into your mind just then). I purchased the new single by Enya! "Whaaaat?!" Yup, it's true. I saw it on the telly, liked the single, liked Enya, bought the single. SO THERE! I then went a grabbed a big cardboard box from the supermarket after buying some scoofables for my lunch. "Hey ho, back to the Zone we go". Once home I had my din-dins (pot-noodle + pork crackles) while an episode of you know what. ("Sins of the Father" was the episode). I also cut up that big box while watching that bit of Trek. (Oops! I gave the game away). The afternoon was whiled away working on 'Update 10'. I had a few breaks from it to collect my little bruv, tape Trek TNG (which featured Klingons, Romulans AND Cardassians this week) and to have my tea. I stopped working on it at about 9:30pm to have a game of Breed 3D. Level 12 is going to be a BITCH - I just know it. Overwhelming odds or what?! I'm off to shoot more BASTARDS in Breed 3D before going to beddiebyes to watch, erm, a program about the paranormal, ummm, with a pretty girl in it, who has red hair ... Yas! *STOP PRESS* FeekZoid is on da phone and he sayz:- "Dyuhhuhhhuhh I feel dirty". Thanks Feek! See ya all soon ... From:- Koolio. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday November 23rd 1995. "Verdumpsh!" Hey ho friggoids. Bast my brains, I've only had ONE bokkle of Heineken and I feel REALLY funky! I think now would be a good time to type what I got up to today. Okeydokey me old muckers, here's wot's wot ... After an uneasy sleep I awoke to find myself in the Binary Zone. This was a relief because that's exactly where I expected to find myself seeing as that is where I was when I fell asleep. The moral of this story is simple ... I was not abducted by aliens. Ahemmm, right. I made quite an early start on my work and kicked off todays frolics by checking out a package that arrived from Wazzz. He sent me a jolly nice hi-res C64 slideshow which was, erm, jolly nice! I also got a package from Danny G which contained DOSH aplently. It's a pity I didn't get round to sorting out his order isn't it! Why? Because I spent absolutely YONKERS working on 'Update 10'. Yup! I compiled a couple of new BZ diskydoos and typed ALL the descriptions into my Commodore Sexy Phwoar. All this terrific fun took me until dinnydins tyme. I had some claggy waffles and poxy pizzas for my grubub. YAH! Not the best meal of my life. In the PM part of the day I continued to work on 'Update 10' and got it pretty damn finished too! What is Fonzie? All I need to do now is redraw the '%' symbol and move ONE character and then it will be FINISHED! Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Yahhhoooooooooooooooo etc. I hit the energy gap after that and so I slobbed around while watching some pants on the telly (?!). Actually, there weren't any REAL pants but the programs were pants. Geddit? Androol Gumboot rang and unleashed a potentially NAFF TASK on me. Luckily I stumbled across some utils which did most of the hard work for me! SORTED! It only took about an hour to re-colour the Protracker logo which brings us right up to date ... There's a MASSIVE pile of drying up downstairs which I have been ordered to do so I'd better scoot and do it. I think I'm gonna need a Scully session to recover from that chore! (Any excuse to watch Scully eh folx?!) See ya chums! From:- Dry-Man! (Cousin of Bat-Man). -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday November 24th 1995. "You have the right to a turnip". Alrighty? Today will NOT be remembered in the history books as a particularly good day. Things started out okay but then went wrong and life in general went downhill pretty damn fast ... Shitty selection of post for the Kenzoid. Letters from Various people wanting to SCAV free software from me and the second issue of 'Commodore Action' which infuriated me for reasons I will explain later. The main task of the morning was to get a package for Anthrax Rubber sorted and posted. I lobbed some of this here diary onto a miggy disk along with the Ami-64 link software which Andy requested. I then finished off his C64 disk (and completely forgot to include the old demo with amusing 'Bob Carolgees' mention which I said I'd send. Doh!) Andys disk featured a Dale Winton disk label ... The only one in existance - thank Crom! While I pottered around in the Zone I picked up 'Commodore Action' to see if they had reviewed the PD software I had sent in. They had reviewed it all right ... And had printed that it was available from THEIR OWN F**KING PD LIBRARY! NO MENTION OF BINARY ZONE AT ALL! RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I instantly transformed into Goro from Mortal Kombat and came this close (Kenz gestures a distance of <-¼cm->) of ripping the magazine up with my four arms (Goro gag) and then posting it back to them. Instead of violence I decided to sliddle up the town to post Andys bits (kwoof!) It was pissing down with rain. F'k! Give me a BREAK world! As I only needed to post one package I decided it might be a good idea to wait until Mom got home so I could cadge a lift up the town. This turned out to be the jazz and I was soon exploring the soggy town of Droitwich. My first port of call was Spa Print. They copied the Ami-64 cable plan which made Andys package ready for the off. I then went to the Post-Office and libbled it on its way. I probably did some other stuff but don't feel like typing them into this shit-bowl of a day. You can stick today up your ARSE if you want because I don't want to have anything else to do with it. From:- Peeved. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday November 25th 1995. "A swinging piggybank!" What the frig does that opening quote MEAN?! I guess it's just the result of a drinking a vast amount of RUM, LAGER and general GROG! Righty ho (or should that be ThunderCats ho?) ... Today. Not much post I'm afraid. Just an order for the second issue of 'CZ' (Crom only knows when that will be ready!) I decided not to any boring old work but to play Breed 3D instead. At the moment I'm stuck on level 12 and it is really starting to get on my wick! At about 11:30 I set the video to tape the chart show and then went to visit Rich. A few hours of PlayStation gaming ensued and we had a good bash on Tekken (SMAAART!), the WWF game (better than the SNES version but crippled by constant loading interruptions during play). Oh, the demo CD was fun too. I saw some bits that I didn't get to see at Mats. (Oo-er! Sounds a bit rude!) Got home just before Airwolf started which gave me time to set the video taping. It was a neat episode - Airwolf crashed, Airwolf was destroyed, Airwolf had to fight another Airwolf etc. Fun! I then checked out the Chart Show I taped earlier. Congratulations go to Enya for reaching No.4 in the charts. RESPECT is due to that chick! The rest of the afternoon? Breed 3D. Level 12 is DEFINATELY starting to piss me off now. It just CAN'T BE DONE! Seethe! HEHE! I kicked 'Commodore Actions' arse today. I rang up Paul Cresham and unleashed my wrath upon him. He cowered at the other end of the phone, apologized and said he'd get the mag changed. HA! You don't mess with Kenz! When beddiebyes time came round I did toy with idea of scoping an episode of the 'X-Files' but didn't. I went to sleep instead. Hmmm, if I have a good week next week (and pay my BIG phone-bill) then I may treat myself to the second 'X-Files' tape. I'm offski now. Later dude! From:- Slayer of beasts. P.S. Frightening thought:- This time next month it will be CHRISTMAS DAY! Gibooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday November 26th 1995. "Rrrrrrr! Give me that wagonwheel!" Hidehay once more inhabitants of the earth. Today was Sunday - ALL DAY! (Erm, not quite sure why I typed that ... Soz). Got up rather early because I am officially incompatible with lie-ins and found myself face to face with a cooked brekkie. Yamtamdamneram! As I didn't do any work yesterday I blummin well did a teeny bit today. I got a letter typed to the chap who ordered 'CZ' yesterday and I did a package for Waz too. For an encore I prepped five Amiga disks for Danny G. I'll hopefully finish off his package tomorrow. At various points in the day I tried to get past level 12 of Breed 3D. It just can NOT be done. I reckon there's a bug in the game because it is just TOO HARD. I'm not being a wimp here chums, it CAN'T be done! As it crashed on an earlier level I think I've got a preview version. f**k my luck. Weird Sunday lunch today. Big chops in some sort of strange batter (HEHE!) with white wine flavoured sauce and white wine flavoured onions. I'm not sure what the f**k I was eating but it sure was nice! Well done Mom! Once I had reached a gut stuffum situation I had much fun and joy and happiness in the afternoon going through old C64 games. I'm not really sure exactly WHY I did this but it was great fun which is what counts eh gang? L8R on I watched the original Ghostbusters film which was a birruva laff. There's heaps of good moments in that film and some good Bill Murray gags. This funky day was rounded off with an episode of 'X-Files' (Jersey Devil) in bed. (Well, I was in bed, not the episode). *SPOOKY MOMENT OF THE DAY* ... While watching the 'X-Files' I noticed my clock radio was approaching 11:21 - It's THAT time which appeared in TWO separate 'X-Files' episodes. It was while I mused over the significance of that time when I heard the noise ... From:- Scared! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday 27th November 1995. "It's a huge turd ... It's a nutty turd!" Yippee! It's time to do another diary. Oh what FUN it is to type in the days mundane events into this familiar looking ASCII wotsit. (I know it's the lowest form of wit but I just don't care anymore). Good bit of post:- The recorded delivery package from Waz which contained the new Front Line Assembly album. Bad bit of post:- An order which should have contained 7 quid but DIDN'T due to it being glarged in the post. After my NICE bowl of co-co pops I knuckled down and sifted through various orders and niggly letters. I completed the package for Danny G, typed a letter to Mr missing 7 quid, typed a letter to a gumby who wanted an assembler and packaged up a copy of 'CZ'. Good effort eh chumz? For my yummyscrummy lunch I had rib-steaks on rolls which I ate voraciously while watching an episode of you know what (last weeks to be precise). Zurbled up the town after that and bumped into Colit! After a natter he left to scoff whatever the stinky thing was in his bag. I tootled off to the cashpoint and drew out some sheets and then sent my post on its way. I also grabbed a pack of three blank vids from Menzies. Back at the Zone I copied last Fridays episode of 'Beavis & Butt-Head' onto another tape and had a smirk or three at their braindead antics. It's good to have those dill-holes back on the telly! Huhuh mh! Wot else did I get up to today? Errrmmm, taped Space Precinct (for my little bruv of course) and had a BIG PIE for my tea. Oooooh, and I started copying Star Warsey type bits for Antler Robust. By the end of the day I'd got over TWO HOURS of bits on the tape! Globber! 'X-Files' was VERY odd today. It was a cult episode called "Die Hand Die Verletz" (which is easy to remember for some spooky reason). I have now decided to make Scully my NUMBER ONE BABE! That makes my current top ten babes list look something like this:- 1. Gillian Anderson (Scully / X-Files). 2. Anita Dels / 2 Unlimited. 3. Teri Hatcher / Superman. 4. Madchen Amick / Twin Peaks. 5. Gates McFadden (Dr Bev / Trek). 6. Jet / Gladiators. 7. Anna Friel. 8. Michaela Strachan. 9. Enya! 10. Darcey Bussell (Ballet Babe). Can't think of owt else to type so it's time I was elsewhere. Catchyalater! From:- Jazza (Magga). -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday November 28th 1995. "What's that you're hiding behind your back? A F**KING BENGAL TIGER PAL!" Wotcha! Yippeeeeeeeee! This morning I received some 'CZ' bits from Jaz Kelk. He'd done a DAMN FINE job on the Deadline review and the cover pic also looked laaaavly. The flyer will need a bit of tweaking but it was generally a Fonzie selection of mag bits. Just as I was set to do a bit of work in the Zone my Dad rang. He wants me to start work with him on THURSDAY!!! Two days notice time! I have just two days to get all my work up to date and then I'll evac the Zone until Chrimble!!! GARGLE! I'll be here in Wednesdays and Sundays but that's it! Yeek! I spent a good hour rigging up an answer phone so while I'm at 'real' work my phone won't be left ringing all day. I used the Trek TNG phone gag on the tape which took me yonks to get right. After a bit of testing all seemed to be hunky dory which is what Bomber wants. Lunchtime loomed and I watched the Roswell incident documentary while scoofing two pizzas, a rib steak and waffles. The alien autopsy didn't enhance my meal much ... ! Wibbled up the town in the afternoon to pay some dough into the bank. They didn't accept cake-mix so I gave them some money instead (that gag was *NOT* predictable at all - God). The rest of the afternoon was spent mucking around with FLI pics on the '64. I'm going to use a WEIRD pic on a 'CZ' tape demo wotsit and a SUPERB pic of Medusa on issue 3 (b-coz 'Sceptre' will be on that one). I had lengthy phone-chats with Jon Wells and Jaz Kelk in the evening. In between those calls I was watching the 'Turner Award' which is an arty type award thing. It featured people talking a load of cobblers about 'art' which was also a load of cobblers. Germaine Greer was on it being her usual crashingly boring self. "I got lured across the room by a raisin cakie" - That's a groovy diary quote given to me by Jaz Kelk. Hokay, enough banter. I'm off to read my "Arthur C.Clarkes Mysterious World" book (the top bestseller based on Yorkshire TV's famous series) in bed now. Blimey, I got that book in 1982! I've been into paranormal things for more years than I can remember now ... The truth IS out there but there's not a lot I can to find it at the moment. Ho hum. See ya! From:- Krystal skull. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday November 29th 1995. "My poor thumb". Yowza once again readers of this diary-drivel. Well fonks (fonks?), this is it, my LAST day of being a slob type being. Did I waste today by being a lazy bast? Did I heck! A complete morning of niggly task obliteration was endured by Kenzoid. My in-tray was looking pretty damn cleared by the time I had finished with it ... The work wasn't very interesting though. I had to do a bleggy package for a fanzine (6 disk-sides of swageroonie for them! YAWN!!) I also wrote various letters replying to mundane requests. Spiffing fun what? (Effing NO!) For me lunch I had some niiiice ROAST BEEF sarnies with lashings of mustard on them. That kept the angry stomach monster at bay for a while! (The bag of PLAIN crisps didn't do much for me though. BLAND!) After continuing to bash out a few more work related thangs I then swivel wobbled up the town. I hit Spa Print first to pick up the new version of the 'CZ' flyer. Not a bad effort but they couldn't import the IFF logo! "Corel Draw - Nyyeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" On closer inspection there was about 5000 alterations needed ... Harumph! Yeek! Once back at the Zone I got some things ready for WORK! (Ironed my TROUSERS, sorted out a nice SHIRT etc). These are things I am NOT used to. Trek TNG was weird tonight. It was a Riker episode which took over 40 MINUTES to actually make any sense. My brain was washed. That called for a couple of bottles of Heineken which washed my brain even more. I had a little blast on Breed 3D later in the evening and even though I played quite well I didn't get past level 12. "Shit you bastard thing!" Just as I was about to shave off my Riker beard Andrex Ribblebibble rang. He wanted to know if I had tried to get in touch with him earlier. After over an hour of chit-chat we concluded that it wasn't me who tried to ring him. Bwah! Time was forging onwards by the time we finished the usual banter so I decided to say "UP YOURS" to having a shave and shining my shoes. Instead I jumped into a snug bed and watched SCUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYY in the last first season episode of the 'X-Files'. She is sooooo cute! (It took me about 15 mins to find the right blinking tape!) Gah! My radio alarm is knacked. It's either going to come on at MIDNIGHT or at 7:30 in the morning. The latter is preferable (but only just!) This is Captain Kenz of the USS Binary Zone (intimidator class) signing off for the last time as commander of this fine vessel. Although the Binary Zone will continue without me I will travel into the wilds of Bromsgrove to begin a new adventure ... I'll tell you all about it tomorrow gang! Until then then then then ... CU! From:- Krikey! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday 30th November 1995. "That's my metallic anus". Aha! I just knew it! Every single time I set my radio alarm to go off I absolutely ALWAYS wake up just before it goes off. I must have some sort of weird subconscious timer that keeps my minds eye on the clock and wakes me up automatically! Strange but true. Anyway, let us continue with today. At about 7:15am I was in the bathroom buzzing away a SEVERE amount of stubble. Pleb mode is now officially off line! I then adorned my posh office type gear, scoofed some coco-pops and then dug out my trusty black shoes which were soon GLEAMING. My Dad arrived at exactly 8:30am and whisked me off to Michael Stuart Photography - my new place of employment ... ! I juuuust remembered to switch on my answer-phone too. Techno trivia time:- The name 'Michael Stuart Photography' was thought up because my Dad (Michael) set it up and MY middle name is 'Stuart'. Interestingly, my younger half-brothers name is Stuart Michael Mackenzie. A hybrid of bits of me and my Dads names. Triviatastic facts or what?! The morning was spent re-learning what I learned (Yoda-esque phrase) to do this time last year. I soon got into the swing of sorting and filing slides and framing those piccies. All the info about silked pictures, Pisa frames, Xmas Gold, Xmas Brown, XMAS CHOR ... ! Ahem, frames gushed back to me. I can't believe its been a whole year since I was last there, it seems like just a week! I had some CLASSIC sausage and egg sarnies during my break. They were NECTAR OF THE GODS! As well as HOURS of hard work there were many hilarious moments when my Dad would deliver either a MASSIVE fart or belch from somewhere in the studio. I almost pebbledashed my desk more than once. I was finally dropped back at the Zone at around 8pm! There were FIVE messages waiting for me on the Zone-phone. Two were from Collett, one was from my little bruv (sent from downstairs), one was a CLUNK and the other (lengthy and amusing one) was from FeekZoid. I tried to get through to him and Collett but failed miserably. PANTS. Techno trivia 2:- I actually earned more from BZ-PD than I did working in the 'real' world today. Irony rears its head once more ... ! And now I am faced with a choice in my life. 'X-Files' or 'Trek DS9'. What's it to be! I'll tell ya NEXT MONTH (Well, erm, tomorrow). Adios Amiga. From:- Kloob. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-