Saturday July 1st 1995. "I'm sure you'll be glad to be leaving this shitty planet!" Well flabber my gasts! We are now 7 months into the 1995th year since we, um, began counting years. The lovely sunshine has pissed off so gloomy clouds were all I had to look at in the sky department. (Not that I spend too much time just looking at the sky - lovely as it is - especially those AGA sunsets). I had some fun with the Speccy emulator this morning. I put the four games that support 128k sound on my hard drive and ripped the scary spider from 'Wriggler'. (I also IMPROVED some of the frames - Whoah!) Then I was lumbered with the piss-poor task of hoovering. Made a song and dance about it before spending HOURS pithering around with the hoover and its attachments (G-roooph! G-roooph!). Kev visited for a few hours today. He's got a large rubber dinghy (Snitsk! Snitsk!) which he said we could take on holiday with us next week. That's a point, I haven't mentioned that yet. Well, I'm off on holiday next week. There you go, that's you brought up to speed! If I'm going away for a week then how will I keep this diary? Simple, I'll make a mini 'video-diary' each day summing up the best events and then type it all up when I get home. Much fun and joy and happiness! Ended the day by porting a load of Speccy loading screens from tape. While I was doing this the phone rang at 11:45pm. (CURSE!) I'm sorry to say that's all I've got to tell you about today. Chub stuff eh? Well, if you didn't enjoy it then fack off - KANTS! Thanks must go to the 'Finbarr Saunders' story in issue 72 of VIZ for supplying the double-entendre exclamations. Gooeybye! From:- F(BEEP!)N' K(BEEP!)T! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday July 2nd 1995. "Who keeps messing with my garbage can lids?" I was determined to work on the audio tape I promised to send Danny G. It took most of the day to do but the plan came together in the end. Yeee-eesssss! Another tape sorted. I hope I can get it in the post tomorrow. Here's my 'job-list' for in the morning. I wonder how many I will actually get sorted:- 1) Do a package for Waz and sort out the BZ-Credit for the T-Shirt he sent me last week. 2) Do a letter for Danny G and post it with his tape. 3) Find the request for a tape catalogue I lost the other day and get it posted with a letter rambling about summer special offers. It must be said that the music for 'WATCH THIS SPACE' is utter SHITE. Very weak little ditties and a mundane title tune. Oh flip, the entire program is a pile of kegs too. That blonde bird is nice though. She IS 'Tank Girl'! Rang Helen in the evening to arrange to get my mop cut. She's coming next Thursday with her big chopper (Ooork! Ooork!). Tried to do some sampling today but my sampler is still malfunctioning. Stupid sodding thing. What is its problem? I only want to sample Matt saying "Big Lamb Chops"! Didn't do much else really, had a phoney-chat to Jaz Kelk and mucked around on the Amiga. Spent yonks installing 'Galaga Deluxe AGA' on the hard-drive and then played around with the 'select your own music' options. Played the game A LOT and got REALLY FAR. Am I Riggers or what?! Then I somersaulted into bed and practiced snoring for eight hours. Time to go. I will return soon, I promise. Night, night. From:- Kongo. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday July 3rd 1995. "The little kiddies, their heads are on fire". Sheesh! As soon as I have got one diary entry saved I seem to be typing another one. Ho hum. My life ... You know I did that little 'job sheet' yesterday. Well read it and then say "SORTED" loudly. Those little jobbies (Urk! Hoogle!) are well and truly DONE. That was how I spent this dull and overcast morning. Stupidist thing I've done today:- While I was cutting some A5 flyers in half ready to posted I realised I was in fact cutting my PHOTOCOPY MASTERS in half. The phrase "F*CK IT!" sprang instantly to mind. That little lot got the morning out of the way. Now, what's for din-dins? I thought I would risk beefburgers on baps (Yibble! Fnink!) again and they weren't bad at all. Adding Dairylea Slices was a MISTAKE though. (Striiiing!) Once I was fed (up) I did some work on Colletts videotape. I'm now FINALLY doing the stuff he originally asked for (nudge, nudge). There's a whole lot of extra footage at the start of his tape (including Blossom - in THAT dress) but now we have reached the gutter level. "Hey baby, can you dislocate your jaw to get this in?!" Leapt at the chance to collect my little bruv from skool and slavvered and letched at GUESS WHO! She looked really cute and I felt sorry for her standing all on her own, eating (another) ice-lolly while waiting for her sprog. I should have gone over and said "Hello" but didn't. Why? Because we are only on 'smile' terms so far (and I'm a massive huge giganormous blathering gibbering COWARD!!) Once back home I did a bit more work on Colletts video masterpiece and tinkered with the C64. Did some bits for the blokes at TUCD. Talking of them, Jon rang and told me he's being pestered constantly by them too. AAAARRGH! I received THREE phonecalls from them today. There is no need for that. Watched 'The Outer Limits' which was cool tonight. It was about space aliens who look like people - but they look like space aliens to some old vicar geezer. Kewl. I'm a bit snotty tonight. My hay-fever is having fun up my nose. Word of the day:- "PUTRID". Hey ho, off to bed I go. I'm going to read more of CONGO now. Bye for a bit! From:- Kladurdleurble. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday July 4th 1995. Rich Harrison:- "There's a big mess down here". Jason Kenz:- "I know, I can hear you Rich". Honk! Snort! So it's chewzdie is it? Whoopee! After eating an entire box of Frosties (well, the last bit) I did a pretty convincing impression of someone doing a bit of work. In fact, I sorted out some swap disks for Daz Shaw. He thinks he's getting some nice new FREE disks from me. In fact, he's getting some rubbishey old ones which I've de-gunked and stuck a nice label on. HEHOHA! I had to 'down tools' (OO-ERK) for a couple of hours because it's the "SCHOOL SPORTS DAY" and I went along to support my little bruv. Okay, okay, I'll admit it, I went to ogle the elven beauty too. Once there my eyes roamed around but I COULDN'T SEE HER! NOOOO! I was stuck watching little kiddies drop eggs off spoons and run not very fast around the field. Yer-aaaawwn. I decided this was not good and left. Who should I see just as I was leaving? THE ELVEN BEATUY! Jings! I did an 'about face' and rejoined the 'fun'. I was just in time for the FATHERS RACE ... B.b.b.but I'm not a father!! Shite. My bruvs teacher convinced me to join in. As she is quite young and I saw down her top earlier I gallantly joined in. Ran like a sonofabitch but didn't win the race ... Poo. After all that crap I don't even think the elven beauty saw me. Bollox. Oh yeah, there was this other babe there who had a WONDERFUL figure. It's tattooed on my retina. Sher-wing! Once back in the safety of the Zone I copied more goodies for Daz the spaz. I then realized I hadn't posted that disk for the guys at TUCD and I've passed the post-box TWICE! Hneuuuurgh! In the late afternoon I abandoned the Zone and went to stay at my Dads abode. I must say that my Dad is TOTALLY bonkers. Now I know where I get it all from! A loony time ensued. Played 'Super Bomberman' on my half-bruvvers SNES and unleashed heaps of classic Bomber quotes. We also took the piss out of some gypo's that were camped nearby because my half-bruvver told me some of the stuff the gyppy kids keep saying to him and his mates:- "Don't run mate", "I'll fuckin' kill ya mate" etc etc. GUFFAW! Watched the film 'Frankenstien' in the evening which is not frightening and not as good as 'Bram Stokers Dracula'. Ho hum. Retired after midnight and read the Viz 'Bumper Book of Shite' which is damn funny so THERE. ZzZzZzZz ... From:- Kommando. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday July 5th 1995. "Fancy a kickin'?? Well shut it you tart". Yikes! I don't like waking up in a strange bed. That momentary feeling of 'where am I?'. Doh. Had an 'interesting' dream about a girl I used to know called Ruth Gardener (I think). In it she kept kissing my neck for some reason. Strange but nice. My Dad dropped me back home at around 9 o'clock and I instantly skulled a life restoring cup of tea to wake me up. I'm NOTHING until I've had a cup of tea in the morning. Once I was semi-awake I tackled the work which I didn't finish yesterday. Got the swaps for Daz the spaz all wrapped up and a few orders done too. I then stuffed some cheques in my bank-book ready to be filled in. Kewl. There was some MONEY in the post today. Danny G has requested a copy of my 'Xmas Chortles' movie and GAME! (SEVEN DISKS!) There's someone with taste. I assume he enjoyed the copy of 'Xmas Chortles 2' that I put on the tape I sent him last week. All this hard work (?) was too much for me so I spent a pleasant hour outside on the sun-lounger. Bliss. After that I got my trusty mountain bike out of the garage and cycled up the town. Met Mike and also bumped into Rich. Apparently he followed me all the from my house and I didn't see him. Nyeeuuurr! Gave my packages to the nice girl in the post-office and then we went into WHSmiths (me, Mike and Rich did, the nice girl didn't come with us). Spotted issue 2 of the 'SFX' mag on the shelf and flicked through it. When I came across the A4 size picture of Scully I broke the sound barrier as I ran to the till. That mag is MINE! Spent the next few hours at Mikes playing 'Star Trek - The Final Unity' on his PC. Bloody great game but Mike completed it after only 4 days. Over 700 megs worth of game finished ALREADY! Nice ending though. Trundled home on my bike - It's UPHILL all the way back from Mikes. I was comletely knackered by the time I got home and I quickly sloshed a can of coke down my neck to 'slake my thirst'. (I love that phrase). I've had three cans of coke today by the way. Do I win a medal? Jaz Kelk rang in the evening for an hour long chat. He has agreed to take 'Commodore Zone' off my hands. While I was nattering away my tea was downstairs going cold. BOO HOO! I had to nuke it. And that brings us nicely up to date. I'm now going to clear all the crap off my bed and bloody well get in it. Live long and perspire! From:- Krayon. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday July 6th 1995. "Rotten teeth look like dice". Greetings friends, enemies or whatever. Oo-ee-oo! My hols draw ever nearer so I made vague attempts to get ready throughout the day. I decided to really get my work sorted and up to date today and strangely enough that is exactly what I didn't do! At lumch time hungry old me made some burgers which hit the spot. I also had some fab crisps I bought yesterday (Walkers double-crunch chargrilled ones - YUM!) and an ORANGE WISPA which didn't quite hit the spot at all. In fact, it hit the speaker and exit sign (remember those 'dart chortles'?!) I then spent some time putting together some new labels for my 'Xmas Chortles' movie. After I had pithered around with them I flopped onto the settee (Nyark! Kwoo!) and ogled, I mean WATCHED Steffi Graf bounce around at Wimbledon. Time flashed by and I suddenly realised I had to get my arse up the town PRONTO! I had volunteered to collect my little bruv from school (can't think why) but I needed to get my new labels copied. Speed-walked up the town and got my copying done while sweating profusely. Thundered to the school and made it JUUUUST in time for the bell. Guess who walked past me and was <-1CM-> near to me at one point?? The elven beauty! Boyoboy, she is LOVELY at point blank range! In the afternoon I needed to get more holiday stuff done but instead I was given the task of hoovering everywhere. FRIG AND FLAPS! It took me AGES and I was knackered by the time I had finished. Helen came round to cut my hair today. The mop is gone. I was up until all hours copying a certain video Mike lent me. How knackered was I by the time my tape ran out? I can't bloody remember because I was sort of ASLEEP! Snore! Plaph! Drool! From:- Krazy fool! ("I ain't goin' in no plane!") -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Fonzie is cool". Friday July 7th 1995. Today has been hyper-exhausting. I had to go into OVERDRIVE to get my holiday preparations done. Got up at the crack (ker-nitsk!) because I was going into Worcester with Mike on the train. Unfortunately I couldn't get in the pissing bathroom for about an HOUR because me Mom was in there sploshing around in the bath. FUME! SWEAR! I thought I was gonna be late. Finally stomped out the house and trudged up the town dragging my face behind me. Went to the Halifax to draw out some holiday spends but the machine refused to give me anything. This did not improve my foul mood. I got there at 8:59, the train got there at 8:59, Mike got there at 9:01 - AFTER the train had left. FURY! CURSE! This day has NOT got off to the best start. Things got better after that. Antics gave me some money to cover the BZ tapes they have been selling, Lloyds spewed plenty of money out (thank Crom!) and things were looking up. After me and Mike were bored with exploring Worcester we returned to Droiters and went to Mikes house. Watched the bloody brilliant film 'Pulp Fiction' which Mike actually enjoyed apart from a few scenes which he said were a bit 'slow'. I relished in every moment of that COOOOOOOOL movie. Uma Thurman is BABE OF THE DAY! Got back to the Zone at around 5-ish and the rest of the day was a confused chaotic mass of holiday preparations. It is now 10:49pm and I'm off to get some kip. I will be leaving this place at around 2am so I'd better hit the sheets RIGHT NOW!! (3 hours of sleep coming up!!) See you in the future! From:- Kitchen. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday July 8th 1995. Holiday Log - "The adventure begins". After a couple of hours of tossing and turning it was time for the holiday to really begin. I must have dozed off briefly because I felt (and looked) like cack. Frenzied packing soon woke me up though. Soon the house was a hive of activity. The full team was assembled. Here's who will be joining me on my journey away from Binary Zone PD for the next week:- 1. Mom. (Parenticus cookfoodforus). 2. Eric. (Binbaggius wearicus). 3. Stephen. (Belchicus loudicus). 4. Linda. (Organizicus maximus). 5. Lucy. (shorticuskirticus). 6. Jimi. (Gettus pissedupicus). 7. David. (Littlus brothericus). 8. 4 x Super Soakers. (Soakus sploshicus). It took about an hour to get the minibus loaded and then we were off! HOORAY! Zooming down the motorway in the middle of the night is coool! (Especially when you can nod off while blasting Bigod 20 music through your walkman). Motorway, darkness, motorway, darkness, motorway, darkness etc etc. That was how most of the journey was. By the time we finally reached our destination daylight had chased away the darkness and we were all in good spirits. It was about 7:30am when we actually got to St.Ives. We ventured straight into the main town at St.Ives because we weren't supposed to move into the caravan util 3:00pm! Gumph! Anyway, I was astonished to see that sea was completely CLEAR at St.Ives and the beaches looked SPLENDID. Things were looking very good indeedy. We mooched around the town and then visited a cafe for a nice cup of tea. While we were enjoying a refreshing brew this bird with MASSIVE TITS came in. My eyes were instantly glued to them. Lucy then distracted me by doing something amusing. She slobbered over some strange brown sugar and then put it back in the bowl. It instantly became 'AIDS risk sugar'. Chortle! We all spent a hefty chunk of the day enjoying fabulous sunshine on the beach. (In fact, everyone got a bit baked - on the first day! HEHE!) Hubba hubba! PHWOOOARRR! There was couple of cute girls (probably sisters) on the beach, there I was, ogling away and what did they do? THEY REMOVED THEIR TOPS! Boyoyoyoiiiing! Finally it was time to locate the caravan site and find our abode. This was accomplished with relative ease and soon we were moving our belongings into the funky caravan. Me and Jimi decided to have a game of badminton which went well until the shuttlecock (fwoo! knim!) went on the roof of the caravan next to ours. Investigation of our van uncovered this wooden thing which resembled a ladder. Jimi placed it against the van and climbed to the top in order to recover the cockleshut. Just as he reached the top of the 'ladder' there was a loud 'KER-SNAP!' and the rung he was on broke. He shot back down the ladder and we fell about laughing for a while. We later discovered that the 'ladder' was in fact part of the BED and could be added to stop kiddies from falling out of it. HEHEHE! Nice ladder, nice and BROKE! Then we began to get ready to visit the on-site CLUB for the first time in this holiday. It only took a couple of hours for us to get sorted. The club was pretty kewl actually. There was an arcade downstairs, pool table, chicks, tits and gallons of booze. I hit the CAFFREYS which was a tad splendido. (Well, it got me pissed anyway). I felt nice and DIZZY when I got back to the van! Things we broke today:- Wind, a cupboard door in the caravan, the 'ladder' and the skin on Lindas foot. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sorry sports fans, I never got round to finishing the holiday diary. Far too pissed probably! Lets fast forward to end of the hols! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday July 15th 1995. Holiday Log - "The Journey Home". Well gang, all good things must come to an end and this holiday is something you could call a 'good thing' (which has just ended). My decision not to drink ANY grog last night was VERY wise because we were up at around 7am! Whoever thought up the idea of kicking everyone out of their vans by 9am needs a good kick up the ARSE. Firing air-head! Much packing and clearing out of the van ensued for an hour or so before we all chomped brekkie. A hearty cooked breakfast was consumed which my poison-repaired stomach accepted happily. We said our farewells to the uncomfortable ant-infested caravan and our minibus rumbled away from the park. 280 miles of motorway travel time! AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!! Me legs! As the van wasn't designed with humans in mind my legs were well fired. Oi! Leg room! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It is a LONG way from St-Ives to Droitwich I can tell ya. Bigod 20 kept me company on the motorway and we made a few stops to refuel ourselves and the minibus. There was a massive American 'Winnebago' mobile home parked at one of the stops which was bloody AWESOME! It had SIX wheels at the back and looked like something out of THUNDERBIRDS! Arrived back at the Zone at around 4pm. I felt TOTALLY fired by this time and just wanted to have a shower and get some KIP. Unfortunately, this was NOT to be as there was NO hot water and we had to go out AGAIN! Yoinks! A fair amount of post awaited my attention and the first thing I opened was a 10,000 drachma note from good old Nick in Greece. Nice one dude! I can now pay off some holiday debts with that stuff. Once Stephen, Linda, Jimi and Lucy had departed from the Zone I had to make myself look human once again because we were off to visit my Nan. It's my uncles girlfriends birthday today so we met up with them at my Nans. Whilst I was there I scoffed a million salmon sandwiches. Although they are NOT my fave sarnies I ate them because I was sucking ftarving. We then left my Nans and nipped into the Castle to have a swift pint. It was nice to be in a familiar pub once again. Returned to the Zone and watched 'Conan the barbarian' which was on telly. The c-words at ITV had butchered the film by cutting out most of the best gory parts. ASS-MUNCHES! With the phone STILL off the hook and the Zone still deactivated I then crashed into a proper-sized comfortable bed for some much needed sleep. I guess we will back to the normal baloney of everyday life huh gang? This holiday-log ends ... NOW. ZzZzZzZzZz. From:- Sandcastle. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday July 16th 1995. "Marty! Get out!" Wooga Arooga Guyz & Gurlz! Power was restored to the mighty Binary Zone today. I boyoinged out of bed, shot into the shower (be careful how you say that) and then was ready to throw the 'big switch'. A low hum and throb erupted as power flooded into my machines. Life was restored as ancient machinery rumbled back into life. It was like that scene in 'Total Recall' where Arnie activates the alien generators (but on a slightly smaller scale). All my gear came back on-line with no probs and I spent a fun-packed hour or so sorting out C64 stuff and tweaking my BZ catalogues. I then decided to phone my chums and tell them that I'M BACK! A lot of them phoned me too so my right ear is squashed and sweaty at the moment. (Kaff! Kaff!) ... Anyway, here's who I've spoken to on the dog & bone today:- 1. Mike (He was playing with his cards). 2. Collett (He was excited about getting his PC). 3. Mez (We're going to see Congo next week). 4. Rich (Didn't do much last week). 5. Jon Wells (Keeps getting hassled on the phone). 6. FeekZoid (He's returned to Modemland - GALWAY!) 7. Paul Cresham (keeps ringing me and Jon). 8. Ryan Thingy (keeps ringing me and Jon). 9. Jaz Kelk (He still wants Commodore Zone). 10. Andy Roberts' mom (Andy was in the shower). 11. Waz (He'd bought some CD's). 12. Andy Roberts (He's on the phone NOW). I spent a large amount of time sorting through some tape software sent to me by 'Crack / Fantasys'. He did a 'Kenz Slideshow' program which I wanted to sent to Tony Gibbs but it took me hours to get to it on the tape. Ho hum. Tonight I ate my tea while I was ON THE PHONE! Jaz Kelk was treated to loud munching sounds as I scoffed some tasty cheese toasties with barbeque sauce on them. Yam yam. That sums up today really. I was on the phone for most of it and spent some time mucking around with my C64. I'm now DETERMINED to get my in-tray cleared so I'm off into Worcester tomorrow to get a load of catalogues copied. Yippee! Andy Roberts has just come up with a froopy idea ... The 'infinite babes list'. I'm going to mercilessly copy his idea and type in the name of every woman I have lusted and letched (blatantly or in passing) thoughout the 23 years I've been in existance. Should be good. Sod this load of banny fatter, sleepie-byes time for Kenz. Goodnight earthlets. From:- Korn-pop. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday July 17th 1995. "I'm not a pheasant plucker I'm a pheasant pluckers mate and I'm only plucking pheasants coz the pheasant plucker's late". Hallo agen. I decided to concentrate on ONE THING AT A TIME in order to definately get some packages sorted out. The much overdue disk for Tony Gibbs was selected but unfortunately it took me ALL MORNING to get it finished. Bang goes my trip into Worcester. Jimbo rang today. He has taped the Jarre concert that I missed on Saturday but I still suspect it is just the old Paris gig. All will be revealed on Friday (said Charlotte Rampling to Jarre! Guffaw!). Discovered three baps (FWOO!) in the freezer and bunged together some beefburgers for my din-dins. My name is NOT 'Ronald McDonald' because they tasted like CACK. (Then again, maybe my name IS 'Ronald McDonald'! Titter!). After my crap food was being turned into food crap I lumbered up the town. Got my 10,000 drachma note converted into £24.10p. This is NOT GOOD as Nick said it should be worth over 30 quid! Bwoo! Interestingly, the Post-Office is the now best place to change foreign money. Kewl. I was going to get my Scully pic laminated today but there was a new kid in the photocopy place and he baffled me with different laminate sizes. "I'm off!" I shouted and ran away very fast. Saw the Annalise-esque babe in Menzies but there was no sign of the nice babe in Smiths. I doubt I'll be seeing her again. Troddled to Mikes house and we watched last weeks 'War of the Worlds' and 'Outer Limits' which were goot yah? Once back at the Zone I farted around with the 'Xmas Chortles' video labels. I'm still not happy with the text on the middle label but it will do for now I spoze. Lazed around in the evening and watched a bit of telly. 'Buck Rogers' was good tonight because Princess Ardala was in it. Some of the outfits she wears KICK ASS! (Or, SHOW TITS!) Oh yeah, 'The Outer Limits' was bloody good tonight. Damn cute horny chick in it who absorbed people. Gumph! That's your lot for now. I'm going to watch the last bit of 'The color of money' which is a film about people who can't spell colour ... G'noot. From:- FFred Welshgitt. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday July 18th 1995. "I wouldn't say she was ugly but it looked like her face had just had a shit". Yawnerama city gang! Am I tired or what?! I hate typing in all this stuff when I'm knackered. I just want to leap into BED. If I do then I will completely forget what I got up to today which is not what Bomber wants. Here we go then:- Brekkie consisted of 'Crunchy Nut Cornflakes'. A damn fine start to the day. With my tummy filled I zzoomed up into the Zone and began my most excellent work. The first project today was a package for Frank Gasking. I continued to explain how he can put music in SEUCK games, duplicated a tape which his chum ordered and compiled a neato disk. His package was then lashed together ready to be posted. SORTED. A package for Waz was my second task. This was easy because he only wanted one disk. A letter was tapped, his disk was copied and his package was ready to go. That's cool and the gang. Berlimey! Dinner time jumped up and startled me. Pizzas and chicken nibbles were scoffed while I watched an episode of 'Deep Space 9'. Kewl. After luncheon I did some work on Danny G's copy of the 'Xmas Chortles' movie. Things were trundling along nicely when I noticed the time. My little bruvver was due to come out of school and there was no sign of me mam! Hero Kenz quickly put on his shoes and strode mightily to the school. I collected my little bruvver and who should also arrive at the school? Me mam! Tsk! Tchoh! Guess who else I saw folks ... ? The elven beauty! Wow! She looked GREAT today. Resplendant in black with a long skirt split right up to her ... erm, the top of her legs. Once I had finished drooling and had returned to the Zone I got Danny G's tape sorted and then ambled up the town. I got my picture of Scully laminated today. The big fat person didn't do a bad job except for a slight crease down one side. FAT BLOB! He also put some fingermarks on the plastic which luckily wiped off with ease. FAT BLIMP! It cost me TWO QUID for that! Scully is worth it. Mental block in the afternoon time!! AAAARGH! Neural failure!! I had Spaghetti Bolognaise for tea which hit the spot. Lazed around in the evening watching soaps. (Not 'bars of', ones on the telly silly!) Woo! My Uncle Daves girlfriend (Ro) had a baby boy today! I don't know what they are going to call him but 'Kenz' is quite a nice name. Ahum. Finally I duplicated some disks for some chap who kindly sent me some money and sorted out some Amiga goodies for me old chum Equinox. There ya go. Can I go to bed now? PLEASE? Good. Nighty night. From:- Samuel Silly. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday July 19th 1995. "Lie in a field strewn with turds". Ooga booga! When I awoke I heard a loud CRACK! It was the dawn. I was up EARLY today. An early start means one thing ... WORCESTER! It was 8:30 in the morning when I got into the fine city. Bloody 8:30!! It was like a ghost town (or city). My stomach led me into McDonalds and I feasted on a piece of plastic which they called a 'Sausage and Egg McMuffin'. Photocopy time. The tasty bird wasn't there and it cost me over 12 quid for my copies. There's two great reasons I didn't really enjoy that photocopy session. Mind you, my copies looked cool. SORTED! Spent yonks wandering around buying essential bits and bobs. Hit Antics at about 10:00am and met Mike (as usual). He was flogging them some of his cards but we didn't stay there very long which makes a change. We decided to leave the humid city and return to Droitwich. We missed the first train by SECONDS. Cowing motherhumping son of a lady train! My feet were throbbing somewhat by the time I got back to the Zone. A Star Trek tape was lashed on an I munched my roll and a packet of pork crackles. Yam yam. It's official folks, I LIKE PORK CRACKLES AGAIN! (But only if they are bought from Safeways). I was too knackered to do any work in the afternoon so I tidied up the Zone a bit (which was twice as knackering as working! Doh!). I re-covered my totally fired chair, polished, cleaned and hoovered. I also put Scully on the wall and framed my Anita piccy. The Zone is now looking spick and span (whatever that means). Did I get the chance to have a rest? NOOOOOO! Collett and Mez arrived and I was whisked off to Worcester AGAIN. We blitzed to the flicks to see CONGO. The film was pretty cool. It was like having the entire novel shoved down your throat in under two hours. The lava effects were very nice and the gorillas were very well done. Thumbs up to Stan Winston. Lots of laffs were had in Colletts car. Mez stuck a picture of RAY from 2 Unlimited in Colletts back window. I wonder what Colletts reaction will be when he see's it?!?! The night sky looked WONDERFUL when I got home. It was cloudless and a myriad of stars blinked in the velvetty blackness. I did consider sitting on the bench and enjoying watching the heavens but a cat startled me so I shot in the house pretty sharpish. It's surprising how spooky your own garden can look at night. And that is today in a nutshell (or should I say an ASCII file). See ya tomorrow chumlings! From:- Konstipated. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday July 20th 1995. Phewie! F*ck me, it's HOT! There's a total and utter HEATWAVE occurring at the moment and it's doing my head in. I've got the music from SLAINE playing at the moment which is setting a nice mood to type this lot to. PlaySID music RULES (kind of). Began the day by doing some actual WORK! Disks were copied and letters were typed etc etc. Fun or WHAT! All the time I worked the temparature was RISING steadily. Work crunched to a halt when Jimi appeared. His car was being M.O.T'd so he popped in. An all day Amiga gaming session followed. We had much fun with Pinball Illusions, Arcade Pool, Super Stardust etc. We trudged up the town to pay in some sheets and post the packages I got completed. I then bought some blank tapes from the M.E.B. If you want really shitty service then visit that store folks. We then visited Safeway to get some grub and returned home for a POT-NOODLE PARTY! Jimi bought a new 'madras' flavoured Pot Noodle but complained of being 'full up' before he had scoffed all of it. Full up? With a Pot Noodle? Nooooooooooo! That's the first time I've ever seen that happen! Jimi departed after that and I moped around complaining about the heat. Didn't much of note during the afternoon apart from re-compile my 'freebie flip-side' disk ... It's too hot to type any more of this. I'm now going to mope around complaining about the heat (and maybe Smurf myself a drink). Traa for a bit then. From:- Me. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday July 21st 1995. "Mr Passer-by ... We've pushed him too far!" (tm) Yoho readers. Today was rather eventful which meant I got hardly any work done. Booo. Began things by getting a new catalogue sorted for one of my foreign members. Typed him a nice letter explaining about my new overseas prices (which I invented there and then) and bunged a shiny (?) disk catalogue into an envelope. Thus endeth todays work. Jimbo arrived at EXACTLY 10:00am. Punctuality rules! A massive A1200 gaming session then ensued. Jimbo bought a vast array of music with him and some issues of the glossy 'Edge' magazine. I also impressed him with some new C64 demos. While all this was going on we drank about 500 cups of tea. Oh, and we had a 'ham sandwich' feast too. The day slipped by and Jimbo left to have his tea. Just after he had left Mom returned home with alarming amounts of frozen food. Mom and Eric went out in the evening so I cooked myself a 'Balti' meal which Mom bought me from Iceland (the shop, not the country). Deelish grub except for the naan bread which I nearly frazzled under the grill. Had a phone chat with FeekZoid and Jaz Kelk (who was demanding 'Commodore Zone' - oops! I forgot!). I played some new Jon Wells C64 tunes down the phone to Jaz and he was VERY impressed. So was I for that matter! Ended the day by watching Jarres 'Concert for tolerance' which Jimbo lent me. It's a tad strange but some of the tunes kick ass! Zznore! From:- Kousteau. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Januirary the fuck 1908. "FUCKL OFF!" - Sez mee now, Im a blurred slastard fanzoid. Hehho! Ive been drinking "BIER" (tm) which has ,eade my head flee quite funky. Woah, wtop the rorom spijnning, iI want to get 9fof. This morning I got out of bed aznd dcieed to get 'Xmad chrotles' all packed up for Danny G. Did also do a tape form some cunet which wanted one of at the because he send me the money and so I therefore thus because wanted. I must concentrate ... Did a tape for some kangwker who ordered it. Batmnnan cartoon wqs cool today. It had hollyquim in it. She's a silly girl (with orbing thrusts). Kev kame round at this point aned we went for a walk in the pucking fark. Whiltst at the park I saw a very attractive young lady whom I have not observed for quite a while. Umm, erm, got home, Kev left, didn'r doo mutch in the afternoon atullarty actullary, ack-cher-ally,artillary emmm, didn't do much at all. Taped 'Knitgh Rider' for my littly Bruthver and it was cool because KITT got trashed. HOHOEHHE! Ooooh yeh, had some yummo nice ham rolls for dinner. Spoke to Djon wellS on the da phone. We talked, I needed a piss, I cut the call short because my tea was reddy aND I meeded a piss too. Hoha1 My tea swas a luvverly barbeqeu! Yam tam fanderam! Me and Kkev plkayed temmis for ages even though Kevs back was firred. (backfired! teehehe!). I did a mass of splendin farts which impressed beven the mighty unkle cev! Drank gallutns and litres of BIER (tm) and got a bit blotto. I then lurched up the staurs and slukrred this text into my Mig-Mig. Can't type no more, want xleep. Goofnoghte! FromL- Dizzy. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday July 23rd 1995. "Throw down your weapons and prepare to be judged!" HEHE! What a chortle-packed day I had today. Collett and Mez arrived at around 11:00am while I was busy getting cam on-line. I managed to scrape together some blank tape space and got a battery fully charged before we unleashed ourselves into the sunny spells. Todays epic adventure started with us calling in at the garage to get some car petrol and people petrol (I'm talking about FOOD of course). I had a bit of a grin Super Soaking innocent bystanders out of the car window as we whizzoomed past them. I bet they were REALLY impressed with that. The dynamic trio arrived at 'The Glarge' and we instantly began some intensive water combat. The Super Soakers went into overdrive as we legged it around Colletts abode spraying each other. Even Colletts dogs joined in and they got pretty drenched too. Honk! After the first bout of 'Water Kombat' (tm) we decided to destroy the huge television that has been living in Colletts garage for the past few months. Cam was set up on the tripod and oodles of amusing footage was obtained. 'Mr Passer-by' made another welcome comeback and the telly was reduced to a smouldering wreck. The addition of an aerosol helped the flames along nicely and 'Casper', the friendly brick also made an appearance. After we had doused the flames with out trusty Super Soakers and finished the HUGE task of cleaning the incredible MESS the television made it was time for some grub. A yamma damma meal of beans on toast with pasties were concocted and enjoyed by all. I almost pebbledashed Mez at one point because he did a MASSIVE belch just at a point where my mouth was filled to capacity with pastie. Not contented with the destruction of the telly we then drenched the famous 'AIDS' external disk-drive in petrol and torched it. Another piece of equipment is HISTORY ... ! Another waterfight followed with a plethora of classic 'Judge Dredd' impressions being done by us. You should have seen Mez with a bucket on his head doing a Sly Stallone / Dredd impression. Classic! All this action was completely KNACKERING so we decided to call it a day and return home. Just as I stepped through the door I was invited by my folks out on yet another journey. This time to visit Ro to see her new baby. Nice baby, nice and quiet! Skulled a few bottles of weird foreign lager with me Uncle Dave and had a generally pleasant evening. Once home I crashed into my cozy bed in a completely fired state. SNORE! From:- Kiboko. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday July 24th 1995. "Do you get to see her box and everything?" Oi! Work! Nooooooooooo! Did I get the chance to work on my scary in-tray today ... ? Erm, NO! First thing in the morning I sorted out a few 'Commodore Zone' bits for Jaz Kelk but that soon ended with the arrival of Rich at around 10:00am. Amused Rich with some of yesterdays footage and then we did a load of thrilling copying and had a grin playing Galaga Deluxe with its epic 2 player mode. Good stuff. Rich left at around lunch time and scoffed some tasty 'honey roast ham' sarnies with smoked barbecue sauce on them. Laaaaverly. Mike arrived just after I had consumed my grub which meant yet AGAIN I could do no work. Copied an episode of 'Babylon 5' for Mike and then we descended upon the town. I posted the few packages I got prepared during the past few days, drew some dosh out to sent to Nick in Greece (He sent me extra money because he wanted some English money to send to some other undeserving cause). Oooo! For the first time I saw ALL of the 'Annalise-esque' babe in Jon Menzie because she was fiddling with the CD displays. That girl has a nice chassis. There were some other TASTY CHICKS down town. A really cute babe gave me a nice smile while I was on my way home. Shwwwwiiing! That's what Bomber wants. It was HOT today. When I got home I lazed around and watched some telly (Buck Rogers, Eastenders etc). I then compiled a ProTracker disk for Jon Wells and sorted out a few more 'Commodore Zone' bits. I then watched the 'Outer Limits' which was pretty neat. Leonard Nimoy was in it and a pretty nifty robot which got run over by a large lorry at the end. "Your terminated fucker!" Ended the day by watching the first EVER couple of 'X-Files' episodes. GASP! Scully removed most of her clothes in the pilot episode! I nearly fell out of bed! She looked mighty fine with long hair too. I don't know what it is about that woman but I fancy her something ROTTEN at the moment. Congratulations adventurer, you have reached the end of this diary entry. I'll probably see you all tomorrow then. Bye! From:- Scully overload!! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tuesday July 25th 1995. "How do prostitutes start up in America? They apply for a grant!" Bo shuda. I woke up this morning and was pleased to see sunlight streaming into the Zone. It's going to be nice today. Nice and HOT! I exhumed myself from my pit and got washed, dressed etc. Breakfast consisted of a large bowl of cornflakes. Hurgh, I'd forgotten how bland they really are ... ! The first 'big project' of the day was to get the package for Jaz Kelk completely finished. It seemed to take AGES to prepare his A4 sized jiffy bag but the plan came together in the end. It contained a 5¼" disk, a 3½" disk, a million pages of CZ articles and a letter from mee. Thank CROM that's sorted. I also stuck a quids worth of stamps onto it. To keep me company while I laboured I played some of the music Jimbo lent me. I enjoyed the 'Enigma' stuff but couldn't really get into the 'Prodigy' stuff although there were a couple of good tracks. The weather was far too nice by lunch time so I zzoomed out onto the lounger. SWELTER BOIL! Holy cock, it was too hot even to lounge! My stomach growled at me and demanded pizzas and chips. I complied without delay and was soon filled with nosh. My little brother was playing outside and a bit of water warfare suddenly erupted. This cooled me down somewhat. Feeling a bit damp I decided to dry off on the lounger and read some more of Congo. (Yup, I'm STILL reading that book!) I lazed the afternon away but snapped out of slob mode when 'Babylon 5' started. It's great to see B5 back on the box and it was a bloody COOL episode. After it had finished I watched the last part of 'The Dark Crystal' which was on BBC2. That film is showing it's age now. It was pretty funky when it came out though. Mat 'Clinically Strange' Recardo rang and I enthused about the destruction of the telly. He was well impressed with our daftness. Jaz Kelk also rang in the evening and I ended up changing his large package a bit. He wanted it sent to his work address. I also got the package done for Nick in Greece. That's two packages sorted! Yipppeeeee! I actually sorted through some of the holiday footage today. There's some pretty good stuff on there so far. I look forward to making the 'Caravan Capers 2' music video. I'm going to put a special feature length 'Caravan Capers' music video in 'Xmas Chortles 2'! Woooooo! I think that's about it for today. I'm going to save this now and then watch another classic 'X-Files' episode in bed. Be Well! From:- Kanyamagufa. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wednesday July 26th 1995. "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated". We are Kenz of Borg ... etc. Oops, sorry, My Trek mode was on-line there. Now initiating normal mode. Hunh? What goes on? I was miles away there! CRASH! That was todays post arriving. I was slightly deluged with Amiga disks ... Aaaargh! This is NOT going to help my critical in-tray situation on little bit. FeekZoids package finally arrived me and a mass of new compositions were MINE for the playing! HA HARRR! I came over all 'megalomaniac' at that point. FeekZoid also sent me the 'lzh' archiver which meant I could finally de-archive the 'Hippoplayer'. It's a brilliant little music player which supports PlaySID tunes. YESSS! The FeekZoid music was typically excellent. He did a MANGA remix which was in glorious Dolby Surround (tm), a bizarre ABBA mix, a SUPERB new Amiga version of his classic C64 digi-toon 'Ethnisound' plus heaps more. I was overwhelmed with new warez and didn't know to check out next at one point. I even did a bit of work on my AGA 'X-Wing' slideshow which was a complete waste of time because I didn't solve my disk-swap problems. IT'S A PAIN IN THE ARSE SHOWING AGA PICTURES! Collett popped in and dropped off his poorly Amiga 1200 for me to fix. He was off to the TIP after that because there was a couple of bags of rubbish in the boot of his car he needed to get rid of (I.E. The TV we nuked on the weekend!! HEHEHE!). Dinner time soon reared its head so some chicken burgers were cobbled together. BARP! Oops, I ate too many. Well, I was hungry OKAY?! Flailed around in a confused fashion getting nothing acheived for the next couple of hours and then I went up the town to meet Mike. I also bumped into Rich. He was chatting up a couple of 5 year old girls. I saw that bag of sweets he was trying to conceal behind those puppies. Me and Mike floodled through the sunshine to the Mike HQ and watched 'The Hidden' on video. The film features Ivonova from Babylon 5 as a stripper and she looks a tad sexy and plays a good rampant slag. You get to see her butt-cheeks at one point! HUHUH MH! HUH! MH! MH! I also picked up some PC samples which I'm about to test and a copy of the C64 emulator for Jon Wells. Two things to get in the post tomorrow:- 1. A package for Jon Wells which reviews his C64 music. 2. The disk that David Wright ordered a while ago + a letter. The evening was spent watching Star Trek (TNG), Buck Rogers and Cocoon. Then I ambled upstairs and typed this lot while listening to some of the new FeekZoid chewnz I received this morning. Yippy-yup, I'm gonna watch more Scully in bed tonight! Bliss. Eboing! From:- Snoopy. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thursday July 27th 1995. "My pits are going to be like gorgonzola!". You would have been proud of me this morning. I worked like a complete sonofabitch and got a hoard of packages ready. There were loads of letters that had to be done and various things that I've been putting off doing for yonkers. I kicked my in-trays ASS! Unfortunately I didn't get both of the jobs I mentioned yesterday sorted. The David Wright package was no problem but I didn't get the chance to do a package for Jon. Ho hum. I actually spent most of the day working so there's not much else of interest interest I can type about that. In the evening I went round to Mikes today to watch the 'Lawnmower Man' (directors cut). The sound quality of the video was PANTS and although the extra footage explained quite a lot more the film dragged on bit. We were unimpressed. By the way, Mikes house STUNK! I think he bunged a rotting chicken in the dustbin like he did a couple of years ago. (Or it could have been THE SAME ONE!!) Poooooh! Stinkie! Returned home for more X-Files. I think I'm falling in love with Dana Scully! BLOODY HELL! Ummm, ahem. Then it was sleepybies time. Cheeriebye! From:- Kobol. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Friday July 28th 1995. "I did a really massive fart when I was getting out of Colletts car". HEHE! That diary quote always makes me grin for some reason. Let us get down to the task at hand, recording todays thrilling events for future generations to gaze upon in awe. Quite a decent heap of post crashed through the letterbox but it was all requests for catalogues and a few other boring things ... YAAAAAN! I spent absolutely AGES working on Jons package today. I reviewed about 15 of his tunes and filled three sides of A4 with comments. I bet you are wondering where I got a three-sided piece of A4 paper from. HOHA!! Umm, his package was finally completed and four 3½" disks were ready to be sent to him. RADICAL! Another large jobbie is out of the way. (!) After dinner which was a bit of a 'pizza party' I lumbered up the town to unleash the wrath of an impressive amount of packages on the post-office. When I returned to the Zone, Rich and Chris appeared and I gave Rich a disk bursting with Speccy games. I actually had to 'de-gunk' his disk because I just HATE messy disks with gooey bits of label on them. My drive isn't all that struck on them either. Rich had hired out 'Interview with the Vampire' and he lent to me. Mom announced she was taking my little brother to the flicks to see 'Casper' so I tagged along. Eeeh, Casper is a neat little film. The effects are typically flawless and it's pretty funny in places. A most enjoyable couple of hours. Of course I didn't notice Christina Ricci at all ... Ummm, erm, blimey! How old is that girl?! She must have been taking the same vitamins as Blossom! (Kenz you big LETCH!) Aww c'mon, admit it, she is kinda CUTE. After that we went to the pub to meet Kev. I must remember NEVER to drink Labbatts. It tastes like frigging IRN BRU! Bleggola! Anyway, it was a splendid evening so we were sat outside. What a funky way to end the day. Ooooh yeah, when we got home we had to nip to the video store do drop back 'Interview with the Vampire'. I did 'drop' it literally because I chucked it through the letterbox. Hawhaw! Enuff of thissssss. I shall return ... SOON! You have been warned. Farewell! From:- Kodak. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday July 29th 1995. "What will you do for an encore? Set fire to a hospital?!" Oh maan, it was as hot as MY PANTS today. No, it didn't snow, we are talking heatwave city here. Daft old me sat in the house repairing Colletts A1200. Strangely enough this was a task I rather enjoyed! It took about an hour for the diagnostic software to sort out the errors on Colletts drive and then I lashed on a plethora of new programs and generally tidied up the mess. I took a break from this to get some catalogues crammed into envelopes. I then plodded up the town in order to look at girls, draw out some puppies, I mean CASH and post the catalogues - in that order ... Despite the heat the knockers situation wasn't that good although the sight of a chick sunbathing in her bra raised an eyebrow ... The afternoon featured more A1200 enhancing and IMMENSE amounts of phone-chat with Jaz Kelk. He rang me for about an hour, I had my tea (which was a magnificent curry) and then I rang him back for an hour and a half!!! It was past midnight when I hung up. NOOOOOOOO! My phone-bill is going to be as large as the budget for 'Waterworld'. I clambered into bed at this point because the Manga film 'Tokyo Babylon' was on. As I was knackered I taped most of it but due to HEAT I had trouble getting to sleep. Toss! Turn! Fidget! Sweat! From:- Khhaaaaatttchhoooo! (I did actually sneeze just then!) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunday July 30th 1995. "Holy rusted metal Batman!" Yobla Chummies! An exciting blue sky greeted me when I awoke this morning. What a funky start to a damn fine day. I flicked on the video and watched the end of 'Tokyo Babylon'. It's not exactly the best Manga film but was pretty neat viewing nonetheless. I then frolicked downstairs only to find the nasty sight of last nights dishes waiting to be dried. The humongous phonecall to Jaz Kelk was of course the reason why I didn't do them last night. Once that was done I did a few more tweaks to Colletts Amiga (dibble dabble!) That was the point when Collett and Mez arrived at the Zone! We departed straight away into the blazing sunshine and began our journey to the mighty UCI cinema. Disaster city! The right speaker in Colletts car is fired. Not good. A classic happened when we reached the cinema. Collett reverse parked rather rapidly and BANG! His car had hit a lamp. A slightly bent bumper and battered lamp greeted us when we investigated. Did we mill around fretting when the car crashed? Nope, we surged out and had a good hoot at the incident. What are we like?! The first film we watched was 'Batman Forever'. Two hours of non-stop 'in your face' action. What an ace movie. Probably the best bat-film so far in my opinion. I liked the way all the new gizmo's (Batmobile, Batwing mk II and Batboat) got completely DESTROYED. Much fun! We then hit the KFC for a good choffing session. For the first time we sat outside in the inferno-esque heat. Didn't see the girl with the immaculate complexion though. That's NOT what Bomber wants. After that it was back to the UCI for 'Judge Dredd'. "I am the LAW!" Megacity one was wonderfully portrayed and there were some great moments throughout the film. Stallone played an excellent Dredd despite all the differences with the comic character. Judge Hershey is an utter BABE! "Judge Bitch"!! COOOL! The journey home was uneventful and very HOT. Even with the windows open it was still like a freaking OVEN in the car. Groan. Back at the Zone we chilled out for an hour or so (in intense heat). Andrex Rhubarb phoned and brought me up to speed on his current situation. He hasn't done any work on the Galway menu though. Bah! Jon hasn't started the players yet either! Boo hoo! Will this project ever get properly off the ground? Sniffle! Tony Gibbs also rang and we had a lengthy chat about all sorts of stuff. I then went dried up some MORE dishes. Aaaargh! I loathe mundane tasks. That brings me right up to date because here I am typing away this diary with my fan on the highest setting blowing WARM air onto my face. I'm now going to take a paracetamol because my head hurts and I need to have a good shite because I'm 'touching cloth'. Bye for a bit! From:- Judge Kenz. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Monday July 31st 1995. "Aaaaargh, my cheek! - Which one? Upper or lower?" Alrighty? What a stack of cack day I have just had. So much for July going out with a bang, more like a wet fart if you ask me. Things went wrong from the second I woke up. I felt really shitty. Bad head, sore throat etc. Bollox. Things got a bit more froopy when the postie arrived. Plenty of CASH for me to spend (or pay off my debts at the bank?!) and some squiffy artwork from Frostie. He sent me a 'cell-painting' he did and it's dead cool, it looks just like a cartoon! Manga-style chicks RULE! Nothing of interest happened in the morning. Lunch consisted of bland ham sarnies. Nothing of interest happened in the afternoon. Baaaah. Watched heaps of telly in the evening. Buck Rogers was entertaining in an outdated kind of way. I then got bored watching some soaps. The 'Outer Limits' was pretty damn cool tonight though. It featured music from Enigma, Rebecca De Mornay and not a bad little story. Urk! I noticed a dead wasp under my desk today and later on I must have inadvertantly been stomping on it because it's now all broken up. Yukkk! On that note I will end this months diary entries. For your information this has been a real GIT of a month to keep this diary going because of going on holiday and then not doing the diary for a few days at a time. Blah! See you in August 1995. From:- Petrol Farts. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-